Don't Be A Corpse

When did having emotions become wrong and something to be managed? These days, according to some statistics, antidepressants are the most commonly prescribed medication in America and the numbers are only rising. I often lament about the state of the world and how we are being forced into smaller and smaller boxes of accepted behavior and I see the mindset coming at us from many angles.

Medically, if you undergo a traumatic experience or are dissatisfied with your life, that is a reason to medicate. Religious beliefs of all description, including the new age, suggest that our emotions must be tightly reined in; we must control our emotions and our thoughts, to reach a higher realm. And with the new terror state that we live, law enforcement is taught to look at all emotions suspiciously.

And yet, our media, owned by just a handful of men, show us out of control behavior at every turn, the ridiculous reality shows exposing the worst of humanity, the dozens of police shows giving a first hand view of murders and depravity that we would never have conceived without their help. The “talk” shows specializing in the darkest and most embarrassing of human behavior and the constant parade of sexualized images. Most will say, it’s just TV, is has no effect on me, but we don’t see how society is degrading, we don’t see because we are blinded by our TV, our prescriptions and our loss of emotion.

What we don’t see is that by tapping down our own emotion, our internal sense of what is just, they are easily instilling their brand of emotion, the darkest emotions. If we are dissatisfied with our life, the simplest thing to do would be correct what is leaving us unsettled, but society has deemed it wise to just medicate yourself and leave things be. Earlier in our history when someone was grieving it was perfectly acceptable to don black and experience mourning, it could last a month, a year or forever and it was understood. Nowadays, though, we have a few days off and then we must get back to normal and if normal isn’t found in a week or two, it’s time for medication.

When did we sacrifice so much? When did we give away our basic right to feel? We are lost. A wise man once said, "If you bring forth what is within you, what you have will save you. If you do not have that within you, what you do not have within you [will] kill you.". We are not to tap down our emotion, we are to live it, feel it, learn from it, grow from it and if we don’t, we are no more than walking corpses.

Could Someone Move All These Boxes?

I have trouble defining my religious state, even the word religion makes me cringe just a bit, not because I don’t believe, but because I feel hemmed into a small box with the limits of words these days. And it’s not just words that sometimes feel confining, it’s the growing silence of independent thought. I see the talking points made, echoing the television or the latest gurus, I see the newest approved facts carried like a club of truth, and it appears we have all forgotten there is little truth down here.

Sometimes I want to regret being born again, because it was truly like waking a up a stranger in a strange land, all the things I’d not noticed before, were suddenly glaringly obvious. My experience of re-birth will please none of the box-thought people, my experience was real for me and therefore the proof that is needed to fit into a tidy container that pleases others simply does not exist, but that in no way takes from the truth.

We seem to have a battle of ideas these days, which idea is better than the other, which idea contains truth and which contains lies, but again, we have forgotten there is little truth down here. What there is, that is readily available to each of us, is a path of discovery. This journey is no easy undertaking, though, ripe with challenge, obstacles and fear and it seems as time progresses, fewer are seeking.

I believe we know truth when we hear it and I believe it is scattered all around us, we just have to see it. Sometimes when we are listening to a speaker we will hear a ring of truth and instead of following this speaker as a new guru and buying their products, we should take the nugget for what it is and continue down our own path, adding that solid piece to our collection. There is a reason we are called sheep, we are certainly herd animals, feeling safer as we follow the pack, but if the path is narrow, we must break from the pack.

Long have I lamented the way we are being pressed into one accepted package, our focus has shifted from the inside to the outside, no longer are we comfortable in our silence, simply experiencing our thoughts. Hell, according to many experts, it’s our thoughts that are the problem and we simply accept that as fact and try to align our inner world as much as we do our outer existence. And unfortunately many don’t see the manipulation.

We keep hearing how we are all one, like a single cell, but I believe we are meant to be individuals, different from the other, not just another herd of sheep in a cycle of humanity. I am not saying that we shouldn’t show compassion and empathy to our follow man, I am saying we don’t have to be just like him to express those things.

Back to religion, the word that causes so much angst in our society, the basket overflowing with our accusations of the harm it has caused. The dictionary defines religion as –

a. Belief in and reverence for a supernatural power or powers regarded as creator and governor of the universe.

b. A personal or institutionalized system grounded in such belief and worship.

2. The life or condition of a person in a religious order.

3. A set of beliefs, values, and practices based on the teachings of a spiritual leader.

4. A cause, principle, or activity pursued with zeal or conscientious devotion.

Reading the definition it hardly seems threatening, but perhaps when we attempt to organize such basic concepts and emotions do we run into trouble. If I say I had a personal and unexpected encounter with Jesus, that puts a mental image in the mind, suddenly some reading have either gained or lost respect for me. Suddenly I become the woman in an ugly dress, swaying to in fro in a church, my arms raised above my head with a look of induced serenity on my face. Or I am standing on the street corner pounding my bible and judging all that cross my path. To some, if I say I know Jesus, I either become a threat or an idiot. The box is growing smaller.

When I say the holy spirit came to me, both surprising and terrifying me, again the mental image emerges and the balance of respect shifts. When I state that although I knew Jesus had touched me, I had no desire to attend a church, find a religious leader or settle down to read the bible straight through, I have created yet another image in the mind of the reader. When I state I didn’t just fall in line and do what is typically done, some will believe I turned my back on the call.

Of course, none of these assumptions are truth, they are just a testimony to how we like to stay in the lines. Not only do we like to stay in the lines, we feel safer if everyone else stays in the lines. It’s a sure case of “if you’re not with me, you are against me”. We are threatened by the sheep that wander off to explore on their own, we are threatened when our box of knowledge of the way it is supposed to be is challenged.

I do not believe faith can be managed, controlled or directed by outside parties and I believe by falling into the lines and boxes we are only harming ourselves. I also do not believe that the faithful, humble individual is the cause of any horrors, only those that seek to herd and profit from their beliefs are the perpetrators of violence and deceit.

So here I state, I believe that Christ’s teachings were truth, although easily disguised and hidden, and as I state this I recognize that there is not a handy box for me and all sides of the issue will find something wrong in my way of being and label me accordingly. For myself, I believe the path to what I am seeking is narrow, with no room for cliques, organizations or committees to clear the way before me. I do not believe that I should put another human in charge of my spiritual development and I believe as we grow closer to that which we seek, we will find more and more boxes left discarded along the trail.

On Abortion and Finding Ourselves Pregnant

With the murder of Dr. Tiller a couple weeks ago, abortion is once again a hot topic and the different sides are angrier than ever. Reading the forums the divisions are clear, we are turning on each other once again. We’ve been led like sheep into our 15+ minute hate session and we stand divided and angry. We feel compelled to state our thoughts, to provide our opinions and for some of us, to weep for the state of affairs in our world.

I, for one, am not a fan of abortion and I speak from only my experiences with being young and sexually active in the early 80s. The kids I ran with in those days were smart, well read, curious and sexually active since their early teens. In my three years in high school I supported the aftermath of three abortions, I was the friend that listened and the shoulder to cry on; I heard, in detail, about the regrets, guilt and nightmares.

When I found myself pregnant at 17 (funny phrase, huh? “found myself pregnant” – I was sexually active and rarely used birth control, it was really only a matter of time) I was encouraged, almost bullied, into getting an abortion by both my peers and the authority figures in my life. To say I was pressured would be an understatement, but I knew instinctually that what was growing in me, was not me. It wasn’t a group of cells, like a cancer, it was life and I could feel it, in times when I was relaxed and quiet, as a small warmth, pulsing softly.

My dad was an odd and frightening man, quick to temper and unpredictable. He carried a gun everywhere he went, even sleeping with one under his pillow and he was no stranger to pulling it out to express his opinion. My first concussions came from my father’s hand, so I knew that confronting him with my pregnancy could potentially be life threatening, but I also knew no one was going to make me do what I considered to be murder. My father, strangely enough, accepted my decision without arguments, chaos or trauma, but he made it clear I would be married in a week, as an illegitimate child was unacceptable.

The marriage was, of course, doomed to failure, we were both too young and immature, but my son was a gift that I will always be grateful to have received. To say life as a single mother was easy would be a lie, it wasn’t easy, it was hard, challenging and exhausting. To say it was a mistake would also be a lie, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Having a child takes you outside of yourself; it’s no longer just about you. Suddenly, you must sacrifice, you must consider another person at every turn. I am a better person for having experienced it.

As I read the debates about abortion my mind returns again and again to that group of girls I was a part of in my youth and the lackadaisical way we viewed sex. As I read the well thought out discussions on the merits of abortion and how it is rarely used as a birth control method, my mind returns to those girls and others I have known throughout the years. For the girls I knew, abortion was a birth control method. With very few exceptions, most of the women I was acquainted with through my teens and twenties didn’t have just one abortion, but several.

I used to wonder to myself how they could make the mistake again and again, wasn’t the emotional toll from just one enough? I noticed, though, that as my friends grew into women, a hardness grew in them, the tears over their actions from their youth had grown into a solid wall of cynicism and abortion just became a weekend spent in bed.

When my son was young and I was working hard to keep a roof over our heads, I wondered if I would choose abortion if I found myself pregnant again. I understood the challenge of being a single parent, though, and I practiced birth control, protecting myself from having to make such an, in my view, unacceptable choice. I understand abortion is a necessary evil, but to say it is not used as a birth control method is simply untrue.

I think that one aspect that gets overlooked in the abortion discussions is the emotional toll a woman undergoes; I’ve seen the tears, the drinking binges, and the self-hatred women experience. I’ve heard the nightmares and regrets, yet this aspect of emotionality is often not mentioned. We are in control of our reproductive choices, yet, we are still women, emotional and nurturing and an abortion often alters us in a very real way that can’t be seen from the outside, but only felt inside.

We believe that we can alter biology with no repercussions, but it is my opinion that life doesn’t work that way. I believe all actions have equal and opposite reactions or what we put out into the world will come back to us in some fashion. The young girls I knew, 15, 16 and 17 years old had no concept of the suffering they would endure due to what is sold as a simple medical procedure. The grown women, now hardened and bitter, perhaps don’t see the correlation, but I do.

What often gets lost is that abortion is a business like any other, and to stay in business, a business must have customers. A wise woman, Charlotte Thomson Iserbyt, author of the book, The Deliberate Dumbing Down of America, once said that the purpose of subjects like sex education or drug education taught in our schools are not what they seem to be. She has claimed, after years of working in the Department of Education, that programs such as decision-making or critical thinking are simply brain washing techniques used to promote behavioral and attitudinal changes. “And basically the purpose of them is to do exactly opposite of what they say they are meant to do.”

We girls, back in the day, knew how to prevent a pregnancy, but we also knew the local Planned Parenthood was just a couple miles away and for middle class kids, the money came easy to us. Of course, Planned Parenthood was just as close for procuring birth control, but that was something we never did, we gambled, we took chances and we joked about it. We had taken our sexual education classes and we knew no matter what happened, we had a convenient way out.

In discussions of abortion it seems there are only two sides and both sides are angry. I understand many aspects of both sides of the debate and I know there are cases in which it would be untenable to carry a pregnancy, such as in rape, abuse, disease or incest, but let’s face it, those cases aren’t keeping the abortion clinics busy. We women say it’s our body and we will do with it as we see fit, we are empowered by our reproductive choices, but if we were truly empowered I don’t think we’d find ourselves on an abortion table. If we were truly empowered we wouldn’t be gambling with our health and our future in such a manner that we would need abortive services.

The issue of abortion goes far deeper than the right to have one and perhaps that is the reason the discussion grows so hostile. In focusing on abortion, we are distracted from the bigger picture, like why in this day and age, with all we have at our disposable, the technologies, the access to information, the medical breakthroughs, we still are “finding ourselves pregnant”.

I See 33s

Originally published in the American Chronicle 4-20-07

I’ve been seeing 33s for a few years now. Looks strange to write it, even stranger to say it, but it is true. I see them when I’m driving on license plates, gas prices, road numbers, mile markers, hotel rates, produce prices, you name it, if there’s a 33 on it, I am going to notice it like a flashing beacon. I see them on my tab when I’m shopping or having dinner at a restaurant. I also see them when I am buying gas, at the pharmacy, at a coffee shop or stopping at a convenience store. I see them on the television, in phone numbers, on sports jerseys and I wake at 33 past the hour several times a night. My husband began noticing the numbers around the same time I did and he once even found a box turtle with a marred shell and the result looked like the animal was covered in 3s. It’s hard to say exactly when I began to be aware of all the 33s around me, but in the last two years it has become so commonplace that I am almost numb to it. And although I still don’t know why those numbers jump out at me, I was pleased to discover a website dedicated to the subject. 33 Mysteries

I’ve pondered this subject at length and I have seen how the numbers can mean many different things in different societies and religions. When looking at mysteries, I attempt, perhaps arrogantly, to see the whole tapestry, to follow the paths to where they lead, I try to suspend my own filters, but I am only human. It was validating to know that others see what I see, have noticed this odd reoccurrence and have given it more than just a passing thought. But with the death toll of the Virginia Tech murders this week listed as 33 and last week’s bombing in Algeria also listed as killing 33 people, the mystery of the recurring number is hanging quite heavily on my mind.

In numerology, 33 is considered a Master Number and symbolizes the Christ Consciousness. The 33rd degree is highest publicly known degree for Freemasonry and some say it signifies illumination and freedom from religious dogma. In Hinduism, Yoga Sutra 3:33 states: "Through keenly developed intuition, everything can be known." In the Tibetan Book of the Dead, it speaks of the thirty-three heavens ruled over by Indra and the thirty-three ruled over by Mara.

The number 33 winds through many belief systems including Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism, Zoroastrianism (one of the oldest religions) and Christianity. Christ was crucified at 33 years old and the Biblical Eden lies on the latitude line of 33 degrees. When Lucifer was cast out of heaven, a third of the angels (33%) were said to have gone with him and in the last book of the Bible, Revelations, it speaks of a third (33%) of things being killed or destroyed. The first temple of King Solomon stood for thirty-three years before being pillaged and King David reigned in Jerusalem for 33 years. The Inquisition was created to combat heresy in 1233 and reached its peak with the famous trial of Galileo in 1633.

The number 33 is also seen in biology and science. The word “scientist” is said to have become popularized in 1833. Seawater pressure doubles with every 33 feet of depth. The animal kingdom is divided into 33 phyla. Many bird’s eggs gestate in 33 days and the raven is believed to produce 33 different sounds. And “Africanized killer bees” will not nest above the 33 parallel. Roswell, NM, the infamous location of the UFO crash in 1947, lies on the 33 parallel. The Space Shuttle lands on runway 33 at the Kennedy Space Center in Florida. The most famous nebula is Barnard 33 or the Horsehead Nebula. A space vehicle proposed by Lockheed Martin for NASA was named the X-33. The Leonid Meteor Shower peaks in intensity every 33 years. And the sun will rise in the exact same spot on the horizon every 33 years.

The town I was born in lies very near the global North Latitude, 33°30', as well as the ancient city of Babylon and modern day Baghdad. The longest continually inhabited city in the world, Damascus, Syria is also on that line. The site of the first atomic bombing during WWII, in Nagasaki, Japan, also resides on the 33 parallel, and coincidently, so does the White Sands Testing Range in New Mexico, where the atom bomb was first tested. This geo-latitudinal line also passes through what is known as the "Bermuda Triangle" in the Atlantic Ocean.

Metaphysics and conspiracy have blended in a strange way in this arena and the number seems to have intrigued many of those seeking. 33 has been connected to the deaths or assassinations of Presidents, the beginning of the Holocaust and wars and dissention throughout history. Several point out that many of our leaders have been 33^rd degree Masons, or were at least connected to Freemasonry and how the “most evil man in Europe”, Aleister Crowley, also held that title. The coincidences around the number amaze, astound and interest many of those attempting to unravel historical and modern day mysteries.

Some say seeing the recurring number is the equivalent to a spiritual wake up call, signifying universal nurturing, a raised social consciousness and global responsibility, while others state that it is an occult number and certainly points only to evil. Others suggest there is a connection between the number and the New World Order, the Freemasons and Bohemian Grove and they also insist the number is rich in symbolic and occult meanings. Many believe the number represents bad things to come and others believe it is a sign they are on the right path. The biggest commonality I have seen between those haunted by the number is that almost all believe at its base, the meaning is spiritual. And still others say the whole idea is ridiculous and it means nothing except to prove that the seers of 33 are actually abnormal or deluded.

For myself, although I still don’t understand all the whys of seeing it, I think it indicates a time to start paying attention. Perhaps it is a signal to slow down in the super hyped world we live in these days. Or perhaps it is alluding to the illusions we see all around us when we are aware. Or it could be that I am over-thinking and it is simply about the Christ Consciousness trying to make itself known in a strangely backward and confused world.

Much thanks to Adam Burke of 33 Mysteries.

Oh My! Three Fun Ways To Die

Originally Published on July 17, 2008

Some have said that we are undergoing a devious plan of depopulation in the world, in which the secret government and the elite have decided there are too many people on the earth and billions must die so they can continue with their plans of utopia. I’ve heard these ideas mentioned again and again in the last years, but truly never gave much credence to the idea, until now.

In exploring the world, we all gather little truths, ideas that are not held by the masses, but we don’t always put those puzzle pieces together. Our society has done a fine job in teaching us to separate facts, to focus on the small pieces and not see the bigger picture. We like to categorize things and events, as though neatness and organization counts when attempting to understand reality and we cling to the structures around us, fearful of change. We keep our horror aimed at the movie screen, fearing deviant maniacs and monsters, perhaps subconsciously knowing that if we disconnect from that screen, we may encounter the real monsters – which, coincidentally, look just like us.

We are an odd lot these days; we trust our televisions and our leaders, but not our neighbors, families or faith. We dutifully follow the advice we are given by the elaborate boxes placed as decoration and information in most rooms and when we hear of another fabulous product we rarely consider if it is truly healthful. So we have learned that aspartame in over 6,000 products is safe for us, mercury in our teeth and injected into our blood is completely harmless and consuming quantities of fluoride have saved our children’s teeth for decades. But are these truths really true? Or are these poisons just another part of a fascinating deception we are too naïve and trusting to comprehend.

In 1965, James M. Schlatter, while working as a chemist for G.D. Searle and Co., discovered aspartame (Nutrasweet or Equal). He was attempting to create an anti-ulcer drug when he found that the concoction was sweet. For years the FDA refused to approve aspartame for use in food due to concerns that it caused brain and other cancers, but upon taking office President Reagan appointed a new FDA commissioner and aspartame soon found it’s way into our food supply. There is now a list of 92 side effects associated with aspartame consumption. Sweet Poison

The approval of aspartame is an interesting read, full of intrigue, politics and a predator like drive to achieve a goal, no matter the consequences. In a study performed by a Dr. Harry Waisman in 1970 to research the effects of aspartame on primates, seven infant monkeys were fed aspartame with their milk, one died and five suffered grand mal seizures. Dr. Waisman tragically passed away before the study could be completed and the results were not included in the initial application G.D. Searle submitted to the FDA. In 1971, another Searle researcher discovered aspartame’s toxicity in infant mice, but her results were also ignored. In 1974, Neuroscientist John W. Olney and others filed a formal objection stating their belief that aspartame caused brain damage, especially in children. Despite the tests and the objections, aspartame passed one hurdle after the other, ignoring science and the health of the consumer, almost as though there was a bigger picture, an insidious plan. Natural News

It’s a difficult undertaking to imagine that our own leaders would seek to do us harm, an idea that most would find illogical and unacceptable. But if we consider that G.D. Searle, which held the patent on aspartame for many years, was also a pharmaceutical company, it’s really win-win for them as we drink aspartame and then go to our doctors with new cancers and odd, unexplained illnesses. And if we remember that Donald Rumsfeld, former Chairman and CEO of G.D. Searle (between two stints as Secretary of Defense), was instrumental in passing this brew to the masses, we must begin questioning what it all means. To gain some perspective of what can happen to the human body regularly consuming aspartame Victoria Inness-Brown, M.A. conducted an independent experiment using 108 rats over a two-year, eight-month period. Ms. Inness-Brown discovered the same results as the earlier researchers discovered - cancers, tumors, brain damage and death in her test subjects. My Aspartame Experiment

Yet, it seems most will not believe aspartame is bad for us until the television informs us, we seemingly can’t envision that we have been lied to by our corporate leaders. I’ve often heard the masses referred to as sheep, slowly being culled as we sleepily graze the fields and as I see children consuming their artificially sweetened goodies, while ADD, ADHD and behavioral altering meds become more and more popular, I think there is truth to the imagery. But wait, aspartame is not the only suspicious substance we are expected to consume these days, we have also been well taught that fluoride in our water is good for us.

About 5% of the world’s water is fluoridated and 50% of those people consuming fluoridated water live in North America. Both China and Sweden have banned water fluoridation, while Japan, Austria, Norway, Denmark and Belgium have rejected the idea. Hungary, Germany and Finland have all stopped fluoridating their water systems. And they do not fluoridate their water due to environmental, health, legal and ethical concerns. Yet, we, here in America, believe that this waste product in good for us and good for our children. Fluoridation.com

As with aspartame, fluoridated water has a long and interesting past, in 1944 the American Dental Association warned, “even minuscule amounts of fluoride will cause osteosclerosis, spondylosis, osteopetrosis, and goiter, and we cannot afford to run the risk of producing such serious systemic disturbances in applying what is a doubtful procedure to prevent dental disfigurements among children. The potentialities for harm far outweigh those for good.” Yet, months after the stringent warning the ADA began promoting and participating in the fluoridation project. Over the years tests were done in various cities, fluoridating one community and leaving another pure, in each study cavities among the residents declined in both the fluoridated and non-fluoridated areas, but only the fluoridated results were released to the public.

During WWII a Major Racey Jordan noticed an inordinate amount of fluoride being shipped to the Soviet Union and it was explained to him that fluoride was used in the water in the prison camps to keep the prisoners lethagic and easy to control. And years ago, the Encyclopedia of Materia Medica clearly listed the mind altering and behavior changing effects of fluoride. Doctored Water

Fluorosilicic acid is the chemical used to fluoridate our water and it is a byproduct of the prosphate fertilizer and aluminum industries, it is also essential in the production of atomic bombs. It is an ingredient in rat poisons and pesticides and it is classified as a hazardous waste product. And according to a letter dated in 1965, Dr. Flanagan, Assistant Director of Environmental Health, American Medical Association stated, “The American Medical Association is NOT prepared to state that no harm will be done to any person by water fluoridation. The AMA has not carried out any research work, either long-term or short-term, regarding the possibility of any side effects." No Fluoride

Studies reported in The Journal of the American Medical Association and The New England Journal of Medicine have demonstrated higher incidences of hip fractures in fluoridated communities. The National Institute of Environmental and Health Sciences and scientists at U.S. Environmental Protection Agency have reported that fluoridation causes cancer. And the 1984 issue of Clinical Toxicology of Commercial Products lists fluoride as more poisonous than lead and just slightly less poisonous than arsenic. A seven-ounce tube of fluoride toothpaste is enough to kill a 25 lb. child. The Toxic Effects of Fluoride

In 1945, according to the “Vital Statistics Of The United States”, the cancer deaths in Grand Rapids, Michigan, were 245, this was the same year they became the first city to fluoridate the water. Four years later, the same sources show the cancer deaths at 349, an approximate 39% increase. Interestingly enough, in the five years before water fluoridation was introduced the cancer rates in the city were declining, down 6%. Doctor Yourself

Fluoride is now also found in our foods, soft drinks and many pharmaceuticals and some of the effects of over-fluoridation are pitted, brown and stained teeth, otherwise known as dental fluorosis, bone disorders and arthritis. Many have stated it lowers the IQ by up to 15 points, causes sterility and reproduction disorders. Other studies have shown its connection to bone cancers and cancer of the uterus and other soft tissues. Still others state that fluoride depresses the immune system and causes early sexual maturation in females. And some see the surge of Alzheimer’s and other brain disorders as caused by fluoridated water.

And the fluoride that we consume is said to collect in the pineal gland nestled deep in our brains. Rene Descartes referred to the pineal gland as The Seat of the Soul and many believe that is where we find our connection to the spiritual aspect of life. Others believe the pineal gland is where our third eye gains its sight and still others believe it is where original thought is birthed. And although countries across the globe look at fluoridated water suspiciously, we, here in America, still believe it is the best thing since apple pie. But we still aren’t done, we must add mercury to this toxic soup of “goodness” we are expected to ingest by our leaders.

By now, we’ve all heard the concerns of rising Autism rates and the fact that many parents feel the change in their children occurred after they were injected with vaccines containing a mercury base, but what of the “silver” or amalgam fillings mixed with mercury and placed in our teeth? According to the International Academy of Oral Medicine and Toxicology, the mercury, mixed with other metals, continues to leak out mercury vapor in our mouths for years. Smoking Teeth = Poison Gas

Norway recently became the first country to ban amalgam fillings due to health concerns and according to Erik Solheim, Norway’s Minister of Environment and Development, “Mercury is among the most dangerous environmental toxins. Satisfactory alternatives to mercury in products are available, and it is therefore fitting to introduce a ban.” What Doctors Don’t Tell You

And a little known fact is that amalgam fillings are considered a hazardous waste product and must be disposed of per a certified recycling company. Mercury is the most toxic of the toxic metals and it takes as little as ½ a gram to contaminate a ten acre lake enough for health officials to warn us not to eat the fish and ½ a gram of mercury is what it takes to fill a tooth. Among other things, mercury kills cells, accumulates in the brain and damages brain cells, weakens the immune system and is toxic to the kidneys. Some studies have shown that amalgam fillings may have played a role in the development of neurological and degenerative diseases such as Alzheimer’s, ALS, MS and Parkinson's. Dental Amalgam Scientific Facts

So, there we have it, a short list of toxic brews our leaders have declared are good for us or, at least, safe and we believe because we have also been taught that evil intentions do not exist. We understand that our leaders mean us no harm and if they are causing harm by medicating our water, encouraging us to eat and drink dangerous chemicals and injecting or implanting damaging metals into our bodies, it is surely a mistake, there is no intent. All of the toxins I have listed affect our brains, our intelligence and our health and there are plenty of studies to confirm these findings, so perhaps our leaders know exactly what they are doing, perhaps it is simply about money or perhaps it is about creating a utopia absent of senseless eaters.

Although I briefly touched on these products, there is enough information on each one to fill books, information that the average citizen needs to know, but perhaps after years of consuming these health stealing and behavior altering additions, we no longer care. It is a strange time to be alive when we believe, as a society, that consuming toxic materials and chemicals is good for us and I often feel as though I’ve stepped into a backwards world alive with bizarre contradictions. As I ponder the idea of depopulation and then look at the substances declared healthy, I have to agree that there is a plot and plan that, we the people, simply do not see.

The Wisdom of Looking Back

I seem to flaunt conventionality at every turn. I don’t do it on purpose; I just don’t understand the ways of the world. There are many things in life that are accepted as truth and common knowledge, but just because they are accepted, doesn’t mean they are true. In my last article I wrote of the dark side of love and light and I was surprised by some of the reactions. It seems many thought I was expressing a disbelief in the power of love and light, not understanding that such beautiful sentiments could be used in a harmful manner. And now I find that although I am being guided to look back over my life to review and put things in their proper place, I am being warned that it is a dangerous thing to do.

They say that history forgotten will soon repeat and yet we loath to look back, are we trained to just continue with the same mistakes? Now that I have taken some time to review I have discovered many repeating patterns in my own existence, so I can only imagine that others suffer the same recurrences. And having discovered these odd returning scenarios I believe I will be better prepared in the future to face the potential arrival of the same old thing. Or if I am very lucky I will have broken a cycle that I never would have been aware of had I not taken the time to gaze backwards for a while.

I wonder why we are so well trained to keep our eyes focused on the now or towards the future and why it is perceived as a sin to look into the past. To me it seems a dangerous precedent to only look forward, a soldier doesn’t go into a war zone keeping his eyes peeled in only one direction, and if he did he wouldn’t live long. Cars have rearview mirrors because it is considered wise while driving to check behind our vehicle periodically. A therapist would quickly be out of business if he didn’t open the doors to the past. And even animals retain memories and learn from the past, yet we are instructed that it is unhealthy to look upon what has transpired earlier in our own lives. How can we be free of the past if we have never really spent time exploring it? How will we recognize the signs of endlessly repeating cycles if we are not supposed to acknowledge their existence?

We live in a society that deems our worthiness by our checkbook balance and many believe that attainment brings happiness. We are kept ever so busy running the wheel like mice in a cage, but nothing ever changes on that wheel until we stop and see it for what it is – a circular road leading no where. It is my goal to free myself from the wheel, to step off of it into higher realms and to find a peace that can’t be found running aimlessly, wasting time.

A wise man once said that the path to the kingdom of God lies inside of each one of us, but how are we expected to find that path when we maintain a focus outside of us? Looking back through time has to be done on the inside of us, as it is the only place that the past still resides. Could it be that the accepted wisdom of facing only forward is an illusion meant to keep us trapped? How can we grow to be stronger in the light of God when we refuse to journey into our own past and see both our triumphs and our failures, both our good deeds and our bad? The past still lives in other dimensions and perhaps by exploring the darkened valleys we can change not just the past, but also the future, perhaps we have the power to alter our destiny and time.

I find it interesting that when I say I am looking back, folks assume I am living in the past, but the past cannot be laid to rest while it still contains life and untold truths. I find it even more interesting that self-professed Christians are the most fervent about refusing to see what has gone before, while worshipping a man who has not drawn a breath in 2000 years. It’s a strange dichotomy of thinking that leaves me grasping for answers where none can be found.

How can we learn from our mistakes if we don’t look into our past? How can we become better people if we are not supposed to analyze events and decisions that made us who we are? Are we born anew each morning we wake from sleep or are we a product of all the years we have walked upon the earth? And if we are a product of those years spent on this earth, where is the sin in looking back to know the product better? The simple truth is that in the end it is solely between our creator and us. So the question becomes will we meet Him unclear of our journey or will we meet Him fully embracing our responsibility for the time we spent here?

They say we only have one life, but what if we must live it over and again until we get it right? What if the powers that rule this earth are aware of this fact and to keep us trapped endlessly repeating the same mistakes, it has been determined that we must be kept so busy that we should never figure it out. I have tried to understand why it is perceived as such a destructive thing to look back and I have yet had it explained to me in a fashion that makes much sense. It seems to be one of those ideas that just is and one we should not question.

I have lived many lives in this existence as Victoria and many of those years I spent running so fast, as though the devil himself was nipping at my heels. I was formed by those years so it seems to not explore them is much like living with a stranger. How many of us know Britney Spears or Angelina Jolie better than we know ourselves and how is that conducive to living a successful life? I believe we can never fully know another person, but I also believe it is a sin to never fully know ourselves. How many times have we asked ourselves, “Now, why did I do that?” And isn’t that answer far more important than acquiring the latest fashions or beating a video game or gossiping about friends and co-workers?

So I will spend more time looking back, despite being warned away. We must always remember that the narrow path is filled with obstacles and naysayers attempting to herd us back onto the broad path where we are easily controlled. And if I doubt I will remember the words of Jesus from the Gospel of Thomas, “The kingdom is like a shepherd who had a hundred sheep. One of them, the largest, went astray. He left the ninety- nine and looked for the one until he found it. After he had toiled, he said to the sheep, 'I love you more than the ninety- nine.”

Keep Seeking

The Dark Side of Love and Light

Years ago I began signing Love and Light with my signature, it wasn’t something I had read or had been exposed to previously, it just came to me. Later, I discovered that groups of self-professed spiritually enlightened folks were also sharing the words Love and Light and I began using it less and less. One reason for that reaction is I get a little nervous if I find I am following great hoards of people, because I do believe the path is very narrow. Secondly, I began noticing that the idea of Love and Light was being used as a weapon of sorts, a measure of superiority – a way to imply that the Love and Lighters were elevated above those around them.

The evolution into the odd time we are living has been subtle and pervasive and occasionally I am able to step back a bit and see the continuous thread of changes - from the free love and drugs of the sixties, the sexual revolution and drugs of the seventies, the self adsorption and drugs of the eighties, the self-help invasion and pharmaceuticals of the nineties into the chaos of the new century. We have lost our base, our footing, we are standing on crumbling ground and yet many of us are no longer aware it is dissolving under our feet.

It seems we believe we are evolving into this kinder, gentler Golden Era of time, yet we spew our Love and Light in a patronizing way, secure that those we are speaking to are less evolved than us. We have closed our minds and much worse, our hearts to hearing with compassion the experience of those we profess to love. We imply if they have suffered ill intent in their lives it must surely be their own fault – they called it into their life by their inability to control their own thoughts or by deeds done in a past existence. We read the self and spiritual improvement books pushed at us, never questioning the agendas behind the success of said books and then we simply take the whole book as fact. Our love has turned shallow, our good deeds simply a check mark on a list of goals and our light is being extinguished by hate and cliquishness called evolution and enlightenment.

Our personal boundaries are being pushed aside by this new political correctness and we have learned that there is no wrong or right, there is simply perception and karma. And this really works well for those longing to keep us in our place, if we can’t look outside and see bad or ill-will, then of course we have to accept that we are responsible for all traumas we endure, thereby freeing those seeking control from any responsibly in our demise. If a vaccine causes us harm, it’s not the fault of the vaccine or the maker of the vaccine or the agenda that makes us take the vaccine, it was something we brought on ourselves. If hundreds of thousands of people are homeless, it’s not the fault of devious mortgage practices, the greed of those making decisions with our money; it was the struggling homeowner who brought the loss onto himself. If a protester is beaten and maced at a peaceful protest, it’s not the government’s use of law that is suspect, it’s the person who is not happy with the way of the world that is guilty.

We are out of balance with the duality in ourselves and in the world. We can’t be all love and light all the time, it is a wasting and exhausting attempt to try and it comes out to others as both patronizing and passive-aggressive. We are dual; we were given emotion, a range of feelings to express our individuality. To suppress so many sides of our being in favor of preaching only one is like getting a box of 64 crayons and using only one color. We are meant to blend our special variety of feelings and emotions into a calming wave at times and at others, a formidable force - we are not meant to lap lightly at the shore - change, in this world, does not come from a gentle, tentative touch.

What we don’t see is that we are imprisoning ourselves, those seeking to manipulate us no longer have to prod us along the path, we are doing it in the name of self improvement, self enlightenment and the so called “approved” mental health and we believe it was our own choice. We hear wake up being touted by all who have an opinion and waking up is a good idea, but the message of what we are waking to is different with each voice that speaks it. We are told to wake to the delusions and lies, but who decides which are truths and which are lies? We are told to wake up to our spirit and our power, but how can we know our power if we can’t untie our own delusion and lies? What we must wake to is our darkness, as well as our light, our good deeds, as well as our bad, our arrogance, as well as our compassion and our intentions, both positive and negative. We must make the journey within and see all the colors inside of us before we can begin to discern the events outside of us.

We must ignore this wave of political correctness and ask the hard questions, express our opinions and understand we don’t just have to accept things because the world says we do – there is no power in idle acceptance. We must consider the objectives, with blinders removed, of those whose actions affect us. We must stop seeking gurus and become our own leader, take charge of our lives and our destiny and not just follow the one that speaks the loudest or claims to have figured it all out. None of us down here have figured it out; if we had it all figured out, we wouldn’t be here. Very few reach true enlightenment, but many of us are graced with it, briefly and tantalizingly, for a few glorious moments and then, as it was meant, the search begins anew. And the more we profess to possess this elusive truth, the further it recedes from our grasp.

There are a lot of vampires collected in the spiritual and truth worlds, ready to steal our energy and deflect our progression and we can know them by the way we feel after being exposed to them. We can recognize the hope and energy thief by the hardness, fear and lack of empathy that begins growing inside of us, hidden under pretty words of love, light, tolerance and acceptance. We can identify this draining force by the way our options appear to grow less numerous and our energy explodes and then is extinguished, leaving us fatigued. The light inside of us is full of depths, it is multi-colored and can flame up and burn like any fire, but we must free ourselves from believing the pre-packed and profitable ideas, laced with hidden agendas and handed to us as truth.

When we decide that bad things happen to another simply because in their weakness they called it upon themselves and the reality of that pain can have no outside motivations or no underlying thread of intent, we are punishing the victim and rewarding the power of victimizer. When we overlook the pain another is suffering and believe that as long as we stay focused on the positive and keep our own thoughts in order we can escape the trials of dismay, we are falling into the realms of selfishness and callousness. And when we see another in agony and conclude that it is their past existence coming to even the score, we are closing the door on compassion and freedom.

We cannot grow if we hide our eyes from the painful truths, we cannot blossom if we feel all bad things brought to the masses or the individual are deserved. How can we see the positive when we are covering our eyes in an attempt to avoid the negative? The positive simply can not exist without the negative and to be a whole, spiritual being we must taste both and not call it anything other than what it is.