On Abortion and Finding Ourselves Pregnant

With the murder of Dr. Tiller a couple weeks ago, abortion is once again a hot topic and the different sides are angrier than ever. Reading the forums the divisions are clear, we are turning on each other once again. We’ve been led like sheep into our 15+ minute hate session and we stand divided and angry. We feel compelled to state our thoughts, to provide our opinions and for some of us, to weep for the state of affairs in our world.

I, for one, am not a fan of abortion and I speak from only my experiences with being young and sexually active in the early 80s. The kids I ran with in those days were smart, well read, curious and sexually active since their early teens. In my three years in high school I supported the aftermath of three abortions, I was the friend that listened and the shoulder to cry on; I heard, in detail, about the regrets, guilt and nightmares.

When I found myself pregnant at 17 (funny phrase, huh? “found myself pregnant” – I was sexually active and rarely used birth control, it was really only a matter of time) I was encouraged, almost bullied, into getting an abortion by both my peers and the authority figures in my life. To say I was pressured would be an understatement, but I knew instinctually that what was growing in me, was not me. It wasn’t a group of cells, like a cancer, it was life and I could feel it, in times when I was relaxed and quiet, as a small warmth, pulsing softly.

My dad was an odd and frightening man, quick to temper and unpredictable. He carried a gun everywhere he went, even sleeping with one under his pillow and he was no stranger to pulling it out to express his opinion. My first concussions came from my father’s hand, so I knew that confronting him with my pregnancy could potentially be life threatening, but I also knew no one was going to make me do what I considered to be murder. My father, strangely enough, accepted my decision without arguments, chaos or trauma, but he made it clear I would be married in a week, as an illegitimate child was unacceptable.

The marriage was, of course, doomed to failure, we were both too young and immature, but my son was a gift that I will always be grateful to have received. To say life as a single mother was easy would be a lie, it wasn’t easy, it was hard, challenging and exhausting. To say it was a mistake would also be a lie, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Having a child takes you outside of yourself; it’s no longer just about you. Suddenly, you must sacrifice, you must consider another person at every turn. I am a better person for having experienced it.

As I read the debates about abortion my mind returns again and again to that group of girls I was a part of in my youth and the lackadaisical way we viewed sex. As I read the well thought out discussions on the merits of abortion and how it is rarely used as a birth control method, my mind returns to those girls and others I have known throughout the years. For the girls I knew, abortion was a birth control method. With very few exceptions, most of the women I was acquainted with through my teens and twenties didn’t have just one abortion, but several.

I used to wonder to myself how they could make the mistake again and again, wasn’t the emotional toll from just one enough? I noticed, though, that as my friends grew into women, a hardness grew in them, the tears over their actions from their youth had grown into a solid wall of cynicism and abortion just became a weekend spent in bed.

When my son was young and I was working hard to keep a roof over our heads, I wondered if I would choose abortion if I found myself pregnant again. I understood the challenge of being a single parent, though, and I practiced birth control, protecting myself from having to make such an, in my view, unacceptable choice. I understand abortion is a necessary evil, but to say it is not used as a birth control method is simply untrue.

I think that one aspect that gets overlooked in the abortion discussions is the emotional toll a woman undergoes; I’ve seen the tears, the drinking binges, and the self-hatred women experience. I’ve heard the nightmares and regrets, yet this aspect of emotionality is often not mentioned. We are in control of our reproductive choices, yet, we are still women, emotional and nurturing and an abortion often alters us in a very real way that can’t be seen from the outside, but only felt inside.

We believe that we can alter biology with no repercussions, but it is my opinion that life doesn’t work that way. I believe all actions have equal and opposite reactions or what we put out into the world will come back to us in some fashion. The young girls I knew, 15, 16 and 17 years old had no concept of the suffering they would endure due to what is sold as a simple medical procedure. The grown women, now hardened and bitter, perhaps don’t see the correlation, but I do.

What often gets lost is that abortion is a business like any other, and to stay in business, a business must have customers. A wise woman, Charlotte Thomson Iserbyt, author of the book, The Deliberate Dumbing Down of America, once said that the purpose of subjects like sex education or drug education taught in our schools are not what they seem to be. She has claimed, after years of working in the Department of Education, that programs such as decision-making or critical thinking are simply brain washing techniques used to promote behavioral and attitudinal changes. “And basically the purpose of them is to do exactly opposite of what they say they are meant to do.”

We girls, back in the day, knew how to prevent a pregnancy, but we also knew the local Planned Parenthood was just a couple miles away and for middle class kids, the money came easy to us. Of course, Planned Parenthood was just as close for procuring birth control, but that was something we never did, we gambled, we took chances and we joked about it. We had taken our sexual education classes and we knew no matter what happened, we had a convenient way out.

In discussions of abortion it seems there are only two sides and both sides are angry. I understand many aspects of both sides of the debate and I know there are cases in which it would be untenable to carry a pregnancy, such as in rape, abuse, disease or incest, but let’s face it, those cases aren’t keeping the abortion clinics busy. We women say it’s our body and we will do with it as we see fit, we are empowered by our reproductive choices, but if we were truly empowered I don’t think we’d find ourselves on an abortion table. If we were truly empowered we wouldn’t be gambling with our health and our future in such a manner that we would need abortive services.

The issue of abortion goes far deeper than the right to have one and perhaps that is the reason the discussion grows so hostile. In focusing on abortion, we are distracted from the bigger picture, like why in this day and age, with all we have at our disposal, the technologies, the access to information, the medical breakthroughs, we still are “finding ourselves pregnant”.

I See 33s

Originally published in the American Chronicle 4-20-07

I’ve been seeing 33s for a few years now. Looks strange to write it, even stranger to say it, but it is true. I see them when I’m driving on license plates, gas prices, road numbers, mile markers, hotel rates, produce prices, you name it, if there’s a 33 on it, I am going to notice it like a flashing beacon. I see them on my tab when I’m shopping or having dinner at a restaurant. I also see them when I am buying gas, at the pharmacy, at a coffee shop or stopping at a convenience store. I see them on the television, in phone numbers, on sports jerseys and I wake at 33 past the hour several times a night. My husband began noticing the numbers around the same time I did and he once even found a box turtle with a marred shell and the result looked like the animal was covered in 3s. It’s hard to say exactly when I began to be aware of all the 33s around me, but in the last two years it has become so commonplace that I am almost numb to it. And although I still don’t know why those numbers jump out at me, I was pleased to discover a website dedicated to the subject. 33 Mysteries

I’ve pondered this subject at length and I have seen how the numbers can mean many different things in different societies and religions. When looking at mysteries, I attempt, perhaps arrogantly, to see the whole tapestry, to follow the paths to where they lead, I try to suspend my own filters, but I am only human. It was validating to know that others see what I see, have noticed this odd reoccurrence and have given it more than just a passing thought. But with the death toll of the Virginia Tech murders this week listed as 33 and last week’s bombing in Algeria also listed as killing 33 people, the mystery of the recurring number is hanging quite heavily on my mind.

In numerology, 33 is considered a Master Number and symbolizes the Christ Consciousness. The 33rd degree is highest publicly known degree for Freemasonry and some say it signifies illumination and freedom from religious dogma. In Hinduism, Yoga Sutra 3:33 states: "Through keenly developed intuition, everything can be known." In the Tibetan Book of the Dead, it speaks of the thirty-three heavens ruled over by Indra and the thirty-three ruled over by Mara.

The number 33 winds through many belief systems including Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism, Zoroastrianism (one of the oldest religions) and Christianity. Christ was crucified at 33 years old and the Biblical Eden lies on the latitude line of 33 degrees. When Lucifer was cast out of heaven, a third of the angels (33%) were said to have gone with him and in the last book of the Bible, Revelations, it speaks of a third (33%) of things being killed or destroyed. The first temple of King Solomon stood for thirty-three years before being pillaged and King David reigned in Jerusalem for 33 years. The Inquisition was created to combat heresy in 1233 and reached its peak with the famous trial of Galileo in 1633.

The number 33 is also seen in biology and science. The word “scientist” is said to have become popularized in 1833. Seawater pressure doubles with every 33 feet of depth. The animal kingdom is divided into 33 phyla. Many bird’s eggs gestate in 33 days and the raven is believed to produce 33 different sounds. And “Africanized killer bees” will not nest above the 33 parallel. Roswell, NM, the infamous location of the UFO crash in 1947, lies on the 33 parallel. The Space Shuttle lands on runway 33 at the Kennedy Space Center in Florida. The most famous nebula is Barnard 33 or the Horsehead Nebula. A space vehicle proposed by Lockheed Martin for NASA was named the X-33. The Leonid Meteor Shower peaks in intensity every 33 years. And the sun will rise in the exact same spot on the horizon every 33 years.

The town I was born in lies very near the global North Latitude, 33°30', as well as the ancient city of Babylon and modern day Baghdad. The longest continually inhabited city in the world, Damascus, Syria is also on that line. The site of the first atomic bombing during WWII, in Nagasaki, Japan, also resides on the 33 parallel, and coincidently, so does the White Sands Testing Range in New Mexico, where the atom bomb was first tested. This geo-latitudinal line also passes through what is known as the "Bermuda Triangle" in the Atlantic Ocean.

Metaphysics and conspiracy have blended in a strange way in this arena and the number seems to have intrigued many of those seeking. 33 has been connected to the deaths or assassinations of Presidents, the beginning of the Holocaust and wars and dissention throughout history. Several point out that many of our leaders have been 33^rd degree Masons, or were at least connected to Freemasonry and how the “most evil man in Europe”, Aleister Crowley, also held that title. The coincidences around the number amaze, astound and interest many of those attempting to unravel historical and modern day mysteries.

Some say seeing the recurring number is the equivalent to a spiritual wake up call, signifying universal nurturing, a raised social consciousness and global responsibility, while others state that it is an occult number and certainly points only to evil. Others suggest there is a connection between the number and the New World Order, the Freemasons and Bohemian Grove and they also insist the number is rich in symbolic and occult meanings. Many believe the number represents bad things to come and others believe it is a sign they are on the right path. The biggest commonality I have seen between those haunted by the number is that almost all believe at its base, the meaning is spiritual. And still others say the whole idea is ridiculous and it means nothing except to prove that the seers of 33 are actually abnormal or deluded.

For myself, although I still don’t understand all the whys of seeing it, I think it indicates a time to start paying attention. Perhaps it is a signal to slow down in the super hyped world we live in these days. Or perhaps it is alluding to the illusions we see all around us when we are aware. Or it could be that I am over-thinking and it is simply about the Christ Consciousness trying to make itself known in a strangely backward and confused world.

Much thanks to Adam Burke of 33 Mysteries.

Oh My! Three Fun Ways To Die

Originally Published on July 17, 2008

Some have said that we are undergoing a devious plan of depopulation in the world, in which the secret government and the elite have decided there are too many people on the earth and billions must die so they can continue with their plans of utopia. I’ve heard these ideas mentioned again and again in the last years, but truly never gave much credence to the idea, until now.

In exploring the world, we all gather little truths, ideas that are not held by the masses, but we don’t always put those puzzle pieces together. Our society has done a fine job in teaching us to separate facts, to focus on the small pieces and not see the bigger picture. We like to categorize things and events, as though neatness and organization counts when attempting to understand reality and we cling to the structures around us, fearful of change. We keep our horror aimed at the movie screen, fearing deviant maniacs and monsters, perhaps subconsciously knowing that if we disconnect from that screen, we may encounter the real monsters – which, coincidentally, look just like us.

We are an odd lot these days; we trust our televisions and our leaders, but not our neighbors, families or faith. We dutifully follow the advice we are given by the elaborate boxes placed as decoration and information in most rooms and when we hear of another fabulous product we rarely consider if it is truly healthful. So we have learned that aspartame in over 6,000 products is safe for us, mercury in our teeth and injected into our blood is completely harmless and consuming quantities of fluoride have saved our children’s teeth for decades. But are these truths really true? Or are these poisons just another part of a fascinating deception we are too naïve and trusting to comprehend.

In 1965, James M. Schlatter, while working as a chemist for G.D. Searle and Co., discovered aspartame (Nutrasweet or Equal). He was attempting to create an anti-ulcer drug when he found that the concoction was sweet. For years the FDA refused to approve aspartame for use in food due to concerns that it caused brain and other cancers, but upon taking office President Reagan appointed a new FDA commissioner and aspartame soon found it’s way into our food supply. There is now a list of 92 side effects associated with aspartame consumption. Sweet Poison

The approval of aspartame is an interesting read, full of intrigue, politics and a predator like drive to achieve a goal, no matter the consequences. In a study performed by a Dr. Harry Waisman in 1970 to research the effects of aspartame on primates, seven infant monkeys were fed aspartame with their milk, one died and five suffered grand mal seizures. Dr. Waisman tragically passed away before the study could be completed and the results were not included in the initial application G.D. Searle submitted to the FDA. In 1971, another Searle researcher discovered aspartame’s toxicity in infant mice, but her results were also ignored. In 1974, Neuroscientist John W. Olney and others filed a formal objection stating their belief that aspartame caused brain damage, especially in children. Despite the tests and the objections, aspartame passed one hurdle after the other, ignoring science and the health of the consumer, almost as though there was a bigger picture, an insidious plan. Natural News

It’s a difficult undertaking to imagine that our own leaders would seek to do us harm, an idea that most would find illogical and unacceptable. But if we consider that G.D. Searle, which held the patent on aspartame for many years, was also a pharmaceutical company, it’s really win-win for them as we drink aspartame and then go to our doctors with new cancers and odd, unexplained illnesses. And if we remember that Donald Rumsfeld, former Chairman and CEO of G.D. Searle (between two stints as Secretary of Defense), was instrumental in passing this brew to the masses, we must begin questioning what it all means. To gain some perspective of what can happen to the human body regularly consuming aspartame Victoria Inness-Brown, M.A. conducted an independent experiment using 108 rats over a two-year, eight-month period. Ms. Inness-Brown discovered the same results as the earlier researchers discovered - cancers, tumors, brain damage and death in her test subjects. My Aspartame Experiment

Yet, it seems most will not believe aspartame is bad for us until the television informs us, we seemingly can’t envision that we have been lied to by our corporate leaders. I’ve often heard the masses referred to as sheep, slowly being culled as we sleepily graze the fields and as I see children consuming their artificially sweetened goodies, while ADD, ADHD and behavioral altering meds become more and more popular, I think there is truth to the imagery. But wait, aspartame is not the only suspicious substance we are expected to consume these days, we have also been well taught that fluoride in our water is good for us.

About 5% of the world’s water is fluoridated and 50% of those people consuming fluoridated water live in North America. Both China and Sweden have banned water fluoridation, while Japan, Austria, Norway, Denmark and Belgium have rejected the idea. Hungary, Germany and Finland have all stopped fluoridating their water systems. And they do not fluoridate their water due to environmental, health, legal and ethical concerns. Yet, we, here in America, believe that this waste product in good for us and good for our children. Fluoridation.com

As with aspartame, fluoridated water has a long and interesting past, in 1944 the American Dental Association warned, “even minuscule amounts of fluoride will cause osteosclerosis, spondylosis, osteopetrosis, and goiter, and we cannot afford to run the risk of producing such serious systemic disturbances in applying what is a doubtful procedure to prevent dental disfigurements among children. The potentialities for harm far outweigh those for good.” Yet, months after the stringent warning the ADA began promoting and participating in the fluoridation project. Over the years tests were done in various cities, fluoridating one community and leaving another pure, in each study cavities among the residents declined in both the fluoridated and non-fluoridated areas, but only the fluoridated results were released to the public.

During WWII a Major Racey Jordan noticed an inordinate amount of fluoride being shipped to the Soviet Union and it was explained to him that fluoride was used in the water in the prison camps to keep the prisoners lethagic and easy to control. And years ago, the Encyclopedia of Materia Medica clearly listed the mind altering and behavior changing effects of fluoride. Doctored Water

Fluorosilicic acid is the chemical used to fluoridate our water and it is a byproduct of the prosphate fertilizer and aluminum industries, it is also essential in the production of atomic bombs. It is an ingredient in rat poisons and pesticides and it is classified as a hazardous waste product. And according to a letter dated in 1965, Dr. Flanagan, Assistant Director of Environmental Health, American Medical Association stated, “The American Medical Association is NOT prepared to state that no harm will be done to any person by water fluoridation. The AMA has not carried out any research work, either long-term or short-term, regarding the possibility of any side effects." No Fluoride

Studies reported in The Journal of the American Medical Association and The New England Journal of Medicine have demonstrated higher incidences of hip fractures in fluoridated communities. The National Institute of Environmental and Health Sciences and scientists at U.S. Environmental Protection Agency have reported that fluoridation causes cancer. And the 1984 issue of Clinical Toxicology of Commercial Products lists fluoride as more poisonous than lead and just slightly less poisonous than arsenic. A seven-ounce tube of fluoride toothpaste is enough to kill a 25 lb. child. The Toxic Effects of Fluoride

In 1945, according to the “Vital Statistics Of The United States”, the cancer deaths in Grand Rapids, Michigan, were 245, this was the same year they became the first city to fluoridate the water. Four years later, the same sources show the cancer deaths at 349, an approximate 39% increase. Interestingly enough, in the five years before water fluoridation was introduced the cancer rates in the city were declining, down 6%. Doctor Yourself

Fluoride is now also found in our foods, soft drinks and many pharmaceuticals and some of the effects of over-fluoridation are pitted, brown and stained teeth, otherwise known as dental fluorosis, bone disorders and arthritis. Many have stated it lowers the IQ by up to 15 points, causes sterility and reproduction disorders. Other studies have shown its connection to bone cancers and cancer of the uterus and other soft tissues. Still others state that fluoride depresses the immune system and causes early sexual maturation in females. And some see the surge of Alzheimer’s and other brain disorders as caused by fluoridated water.

And the fluoride that we consume is said to collect in the pineal gland nestled deep in our brains. Rene Descartes referred to the pineal gland as The Seat of the Soul and many believe that is where we find our connection to the spiritual aspect of life. Others believe the pineal gland is where our third eye gains its sight and still others believe it is where original thought is birthed. And although countries across the globe look at fluoridated water suspiciously, we, here in America, still believe it is the best thing since apple pie. But we still aren’t done, we must add mercury to this toxic soup of “goodness” we are expected to ingest by our leaders.

By now, we’ve all heard the concerns of rising Autism rates and the fact that many parents feel the change in their children occurred after they were injected with vaccines containing a mercury base, but what of the “silver” or amalgam fillings mixed with mercury and placed in our teeth? According to the International Academy of Oral Medicine and Toxicology, the mercury, mixed with other metals, continues to leak out mercury vapor in our mouths for years. Smoking Teeth = Poison Gas

Norway recently became the first country to ban amalgam fillings due to health concerns and according to Erik Solheim, Norway’s Minister of Environment and Development, “Mercury is among the most dangerous environmental toxins. Satisfactory alternatives to mercury in products are available, and it is therefore fitting to introduce a ban.” What Doctors Don’t Tell You

And a little known fact is that amalgam fillings are considered a hazardous waste product and must be disposed of per a certified recycling company. Mercury is the most toxic of the toxic metals and it takes as little as ½ a gram to contaminate a ten acre lake enough for health officials to warn us not to eat the fish and ½ a gram of mercury is what it takes to fill a tooth. Among other things, mercury kills cells, accumulates in the brain and damages brain cells, weakens the immune system and is toxic to the kidneys. Some studies have shown that amalgam fillings may have played a role in the development of neurological and degenerative diseases such as Alzheimer’s, ALS, MS and Parkinson's. Dental Amalgam Scientific Facts

So, there we have it, a short list of toxic brews our leaders have declared are good for us or, at least, safe and we believe because we have also been taught that evil intentions do not exist. We understand that our leaders mean us no harm and if they are causing harm by medicating our water, encouraging us to eat and drink dangerous chemicals and injecting or implanting damaging metals into our bodies, it is surely a mistake, there is no intent. All of the toxins I have listed affect our brains, our intelligence and our health and there are plenty of studies to confirm these findings, so perhaps our leaders know exactly what they are doing, perhaps it is simply about money or perhaps it is about creating a utopia absent of senseless eaters.

Although I briefly touched on these products, there is enough information on each one to fill books, information that the average citizen needs to know, but perhaps after years of consuming these health stealing and behavior altering additions, we no longer care. It is a strange time to be alive when we believe, as a society, that consuming toxic materials and chemicals is good for us and I often feel as though I’ve stepped into a backwards world alive with bizarre contradictions. As I ponder the idea of depopulation and then look at the substances declared healthy, I have to agree that there is a plot and plan that, we the people, simply do not see.

The Wisdom of Looking Back

I seem to flaunt conventionality at every turn. I don’t do it on purpose; I just don’t understand the ways of the world. There are many things in life that are accepted as truth and common knowledge, but just because they are accepted, doesn’t mean they are true. In my last article I wrote of the dark side of love and light and I was surprised by some of the reactions. It seems many thought I was expressing a disbelief in the power of love and light, not understanding that such beautiful sentiments could be used in a harmful manner. And now I find that although I am being guided to look back over my life to review and put things in their proper place, I am being warned that it is a dangerous thing to do.

They say that history forgotten will soon repeat and yet we loath to look back, are we trained to just continue with the same mistakes? Now that I have taken some time to review I have discovered many repeating patterns in my own existence, so I can only imagine that others suffer the same recurrences. And having discovered these odd returning scenarios I believe I will be better prepared in the future to face the potential arrival of the same old thing. Or if I am very lucky I will have broken a cycle that I never would have been aware of had I not taken the time to gaze backwards for a while.

I wonder why we are so well trained to keep our eyes focused on the now or towards the future and why it is perceived as a sin to look into the past. To me it seems a dangerous precedent to only look forward, a soldier doesn’t go into a war zone keeping his eyes peeled in only one direction, and if he did he wouldn’t live long. Cars have rearview mirrors because it is considered wise while driving to check behind our vehicle periodically. A therapist would quickly be out of business if he didn’t open the doors to the past. And even animals retain memories and learn from the past, yet we are instructed that it is unhealthy to look upon what has transpired earlier in our own lives. How can we be free of the past if we have never really spent time exploring it? How will we recognize the signs of endlessly repeating cycles if we are not supposed to acknowledge their existence?

We live in a society that deems our worthiness by our checkbook balance and many believe that attainment brings happiness. We are kept ever so busy running the wheel like mice in a cage, but nothing ever changes on that wheel until we stop and see it for what it is – a circular road leading no where. It is my goal to free myself from the wheel, to step off of it into higher realms and to find a peace that can’t be found running aimlessly, wasting time.

A wise man once said that the path to the kingdom of God lies inside of each one of us, but how are we expected to find that path when we maintain a focus outside of us? Looking back through time has to be done on the inside of us, as it is the only place that the past still resides. Could it be that the accepted wisdom of facing only forward is an illusion meant to keep us trapped? How can we grow to be stronger in the light of God when we refuse to journey into our own past and see both our triumphs and our failures, both our good deeds and our bad? The past still lives in other dimensions and perhaps by exploring the darkened valleys we can change not just the past, but also the future, perhaps we have the power to alter our destiny and time.

I find it interesting that when I say I am looking back, folks assume I am living in the past, but the past cannot be laid to rest while it still contains life and untold truths. I find it even more interesting that self-professed Christians are the most fervent about refusing to see what has gone before, while worshipping a man who has not drawn a breath in 2000 years. It’s a strange dichotomy of thinking that leaves me grasping for answers where none can be found.

How can we learn from our mistakes if we don’t look into our past? How can we become better people if we are not supposed to analyze events and decisions that made us who we are? Are we born anew each morning we wake from sleep or are we a product of all the years we have walked upon the earth? And if we are a product of those years spent on this earth, where is the sin in looking back to know the product better? The simple truth is that in the end it is solely between our creator and us. So the question becomes will we meet Him unclear of our journey or will we meet Him fully embracing our responsibility for the time we spent here?

They say we only have one life, but what if we must live it over and again until we get it right? What if the powers that rule this earth are aware of this fact and to keep us trapped endlessly repeating the same mistakes, it has been determined that we must be kept so busy that we should never figure it out. I have tried to understand why it is perceived as such a destructive thing to look back and I have yet had it explained to me in a fashion that makes much sense. It seems to be one of those ideas that just is and one we should not question.

I have lived many lives in this existence as Victoria and many of those years I spent running so fast, as though the devil himself was nipping at my heels. I was formed by those years so it seems to not explore them is much like living with a stranger. How many of us know Britney Spears or Angelina Jolie better than we know ourselves and how is that conducive to living a successful life? I believe we can never fully know another person, but I also believe it is a sin to never fully know ourselves. How many times have we asked ourselves, “Now, why did I do that?” And isn’t that answer far more important than acquiring the latest fashions or beating a video game or gossiping about friends and co-workers?

So I will spend more time looking back, despite being warned away. We must always remember that the narrow path is filled with obstacles and naysayers attempting to herd us back onto the broad path where we are easily controlled. And if I doubt I will remember the words of Jesus from the Gospel of Thomas, “The kingdom is like a shepherd who had a hundred sheep. One of them, the largest, went astray. He left the ninety- nine and looked for the one until he found it. After he had toiled, he said to the sheep, 'I love you more than the ninety- nine.”

Keep Seeking

The Dark Side of Love and Light

Years ago I began signing Love and Light with my signature, it wasn’t something I had read or had been exposed to previously, it just came to me. Later, I discovered that groups of self-professed spiritually enlightened folks were also sharing the words Love and Light and I began using it less and less. One reason for that reaction is I get a little nervous if I find I am following great hoards of people, because I do believe the path is very narrow. Secondly, I began noticing that the idea of Love and Light was being used as a weapon of sorts, a measure of superiority – a way to imply that the Love and Lighters were elevated above those around them.

The evolution into the odd time we are living has been subtle and pervasive and occasionally I am able to step back a bit and see the continuous thread of changes - from the free love and drugs of the sixties, the sexual revolution and drugs of the seventies, the self adsorption and drugs of the eighties, the self-help invasion and pharmaceuticals of the nineties into the chaos of the new century. We have lost our base, our footing, we are standing on crumbling ground and yet many of us are no longer aware it is dissolving under our feet.

It seems we believe we are evolving into this kinder, gentler Golden Era of time, yet we spew our Love and Light in a patronizing way, secure that those we are speaking to are less evolved than us. We have closed our minds and much worse, our hearts to hearing with compassion the experience of those we profess to love. We imply if they have suffered ill intent in their lives it must surely be their own fault – they called it into their life by their inability to control their own thoughts or by deeds done in a past existence. We read the self and spiritual improvement books pushed at us, never questioning the agendas behind the success of said books and then we simply take the whole book as fact. Our love has turned shallow, our good deeds simply a check mark on a list of goals and our light is being extinguished by hate and cliquishness called evolution and enlightenment.

Our personal boundaries are being pushed aside by this new political correctness and we have learned that there is no wrong or right, there is simply perception and karma. And this really works well for those longing to keep us in our place, if we can’t look outside and see bad or ill-will, then of course we have to accept that we are responsible for all traumas we endure, thereby freeing those seeking control from any responsibly in our demise. If a vaccine causes us harm, it’s not the fault of the vaccine or the maker of the vaccine or the agenda that makes us take the vaccine, it was something we brought on ourselves. If hundreds of thousands of people are homeless, it’s not the fault of devious mortgage practices, the greed of those making decisions with our money; it was the struggling homeowner who brought the loss onto himself. If a protester is beaten and maced at a peaceful protest, it’s not the government’s use of law that is suspect, it’s the person who is not happy with the way of the world that is guilty.

We are out of balance with the duality in ourselves and in the world. We can’t be all love and light all the time, it is a wasting and exhausting attempt to try and it comes out to others as both patronizing and passive-aggressive. We are dual; we were given emotion, a range of feelings to express our individuality. To suppress so many sides of our being in favor of preaching only one is like getting a box of 64 crayons and using only one color. We are meant to blend our special variety of feelings and emotions into a calming wave at times and at others, a formidable force - we are not meant to lap lightly at the shore - change, in this world, does not come from a gentle, tentative touch.

What we don’t see is that we are imprisoning ourselves, those seeking to manipulate us no longer have to prod us along the path, we are doing it in the name of self improvement, self enlightenment and the so called “approved” mental health and we believe it was our own choice. We hear wake up being touted by all who have an opinion and waking up is a good idea, but the message of what we are waking to is different with each voice that speaks it. We are told to wake to the delusions and lies, but who decides which are truths and which are lies? We are told to wake up to our spirit and our power, but how can we know our power if we can’t untie our own delusion and lies? What we must wake to is our darkness, as well as our light, our good deeds, as well as our bad, our arrogance, as well as our compassion and our intentions, both positive and negative. We must make the journey within and see all the colors inside of us before we can begin to discern the events outside of us.

We must ignore this wave of political correctness and ask the hard questions, express our opinions and understand we don’t just have to accept things because the world says we do – there is no power in idle acceptance. We must consider the objectives, with blinders removed, of those whose actions affect us. We must stop seeking gurus and become our own leader, take charge of our lives and our destiny and not just follow the one that speaks the loudest or claims to have figured it all out. None of us down here have figured it out; if we had it all figured out, we wouldn’t be here. Very few reach true enlightenment, but many of us are graced with it, briefly and tantalizingly, for a few glorious moments and then, as it was meant, the search begins anew. And the more we profess to possess this elusive truth, the further it recedes from our grasp.

There are a lot of vampires collected in the spiritual and truth worlds, ready to steal our energy and deflect our progression and we can know them by the way we feel after being exposed to them. We can recognize the hope and energy thief by the hardness, fear and lack of empathy that begins growing inside of us, hidden under pretty words of love, light, tolerance and acceptance. We can identify this draining force by the way our options appear to grow less numerous and our energy explodes and then is extinguished, leaving us fatigued. The light inside of us is full of depths, it is multi-colored and can flame up and burn like any fire, but we must free ourselves from believing the pre-packed and profitable ideas, laced with hidden agendas and handed to us as truth.

When we decide that bad things happen to another simply because in their weakness they called it upon themselves and the reality of that pain can have no outside motivations or no underlying thread of intent, we are punishing the victim and rewarding the power of victimizer. When we overlook the pain another is suffering and believe that as long as we stay focused on the positive and keep our own thoughts in order we can escape the trials of dismay, we are falling into the realms of selfishness and callousness. And when we see another in agony and conclude that it is their past existence coming to even the score, we are closing the door on compassion and freedom.

We cannot grow if we hide our eyes from the painful truths, we cannot blossom if we feel all bad things brought to the masses or the individual are deserved. How can we see the positive when we are covering our eyes in an attempt to avoid the negative? The positive simply can not exist without the negative and to be a whole, spiritual being we must taste both and not call it anything other than what it is.

A Political Rant

The divisions are getting deeper and wider and yet, we don’t understand it has been created. We don’t have to agree with each other and we don’t have to hate, but that is not what the flashing box and the talking heads teach us. I have lamented long and hard about the types of manipulation in this world, the hypnosis occurring with our televisions, the drugged and numbed state of the masses and the approved gurus collecting sheep on the Internet and I wonder if I have anymore to say. Is my job done? And still, here I sit my fingers poised over the keyboard trying to draw words from the source to sooth the ache I sense seething in the world.

I see everyone divided over the upcoming election and the factions are certainly angry. If we vote for McCain we are war hungry and want more Bush and if we don’t vote for Obama is surely means we are racists. Even among those of high intellect, the divisions are felt and even among those who claim to be free and critical thinkers, it seems they can’t see past the charade. It really doesn’t matter whom we vote for, it’s already been decided. Didn’t we see that in the last two elections, do we really expect it to be different this time? Keeping us polarized is part of the plan, there is no happenstance in this world - it’s too tightly controlled to allow for that measure of error.

Let me clarify, I am neither a Republican or a Democrat, I am registered as an Independent and frankly, I feel little call to participate in a system I see as broken and manipulated. Perhaps at one point elections were just and fair, but at this time, for me, abstaining from an obvious underhanded system is the wisest move. Many of us see this election as a fight between good and evil or evolution and devolution, but what we don’t see is that the things we believe we are fighting with this election are actually far more insidious and inside of our personal lives and each one of us. What we should be fighting is the manipulation that makes us hate our neighbors and coworkers over their choice of candidate. What we should be fighting is this ignorant, arrogance stance we have taken to be patriotic. There is an Us versus Them scenario playing out on our earth, but what we fail to see is that the Them we despise is not the guy standing next to us with a McCain or Obama button.

When we hate on the basis of political leanings we are certainly keeping things on the surface and truth is rarely found on the surface, it tends to be hidden in the nooks and crannies and the places we are least likely to look. Many people will be disappointed after this election day and we should not forget that is has been scripted and studied to understand what our actions will be -- they are prepared for our reactions. We are being played like mice in a maze, thinking we made the decisions, while those above us laugh at our gullibility.

I stated earlier that I would vote my conscience, but now my conscience is leading me to stay away from the herds lining up to express their anger and division. If I see this political circus arena as simply a farce and a deception, then why would I choose to participate in such deception? Whoever wins that prized seat in the big White House, has been chosen, has been shown to make compromises and be it the old white guy, or the young black guy, the path has already been paved. As I look at this sickening display on the flashing box and see the division among my brothers and sisters on this earth, some wise words from my dad remind me of a harsh reality – If you play with shit, it gets on you.

Rise Above

Fear Sells Enslavement

Every now and again I have these sudden insights where things beyond my comprehension just fall into place – a moving picture. I don’t write about them often because there are too many false prophets out there selling their “visions” and it is not my destiny or desire to join their ranks. I don’t know where this awareness of the bigger picture originates and I have pondered it at length -- wondering in depth if I could trust these odd occurrences. Now, I hold them as possibilities and I don’t discount the idea that I may have seen the truth – a truth I don’t completely understand.

The Internet and mass media seems littered with predictions of doom and it appears to be a highly profitable career for some and the masses gather thinking they have discovered a savior of sorts, a guru to lead them into the darkness. I, on the other hand, figure it’s between me and God to know if I am on the right path, but I have to admit I struggle with the fear delivered by these popular messengers. And I believe that fear and profit are what motivates the message.

It should be no secret that fear is worth a lot of money in America. The horror, suspense and action flicks fill the seats by making us jump, cringe or cover our eyes. The television promotes murder, dressed up with fancy sets, locations and beautiful people. The War on Terror has us looking at our neighbors suspiciously, fearful of different cultures and beliefs and terrified that our children may be the next one shipped out to fight in an endless war. And the evening news encourages us to purchase security systems, surveillance cameras, GPS tracking devices and support growing militarized police departments. Fear sells and it benefits everyone, but us.

And despite the fear being pumped out on the wire 24/7 for our amusement, entertainment and enslavement, I see a different picture emerging. The other day I wrote a piece about rising above and I was frustrated by my inability to define it. Perhaps I even gave into my fear of being perceived as any weirder than I already am, so I’ve spent some time to put into words what I mean by “rising above”.

We have all heard the different theories of what will occur when the change happens from the Christian perception to the Native Americans to the New Agers and on and on and in the middle of all those beliefs, in my understanding, the same solid truth resides, hidden within semantics and confused through cultural divides. In many beliefs there is discussion of a darkness upon this earth, others refer to it as duality, but essentially we are to understand that there are two sides to the coin, the light and the dark, the good and the evil, the high and the low, the yin and the yang, the healthy and the sick - however we choose to interpret it. And although religious ideas vary widely, most belief systems teach that there is something on the other side, something grander, something worthy of our efforts to remain faithful.

It is my opinion that the power that has ruled and controlled for too many years to clarify is falling, I don’t know how or why, or if it is simply a part of the cycles we see occurring around us every day in nature. And as those powers recede, others will rise, whereas, until now the focus has been on deceit, oppression and control, the switch is being made to compassion, creation and peace. There are a lot of approved leaders on the stage and in the wings to lead us away from our god-given gift of freedom, but we must remember the only way to rise above the noise is by finding our own truth, by looking inside. And remember the words of a wise man who once said … the kingdom of God is inside of you.

You see, because the world is waking up, the power holders are toppling, but they are still at the helm and issuing their fear objectives at mind blowing rates to keep us blind and scared. They know what is going to occur because it has probably happened before, perhaps that is one reason the elite gather antiquities and hoard them away, hidden from the eyes and minds of the masses. And I would have to assume that whatever is going to happen, it will happen soon and I simply make that deduction by the increase of fearful statements appearing in the mainstream media.

Some speak of ascension as a rising up, others believe in a rapture, but I keeping getting an image in my head of separation, like sliding two pictures of the earth on transparent paper, one rising up and the other slipping away or perhaps a new earth rising from the old. I also have seen the image of millions of triangles in an ocean and the heavy, bloated ones, which have floated undisturbed for thousands of years, are sinking to the bottom, while the smaller ones, which have resided in the cold depths for a time untold are now buoyant and rising to the top. As I stated earlier when I first experienced these revelations, I did not trust them, but over the years and learning more and more, the images continue to reveal themselves in a way that discourages fear and instills hope.

Although the media systems expose us to doom, killing, torture, decadence, immorality and heartache on a constant basis, my view of the future does not contain such images. I see a world emerging more beautiful than all national parks, forests and great unsullied waters and lands gathered together in one endless landscape. I see people working together without fear and agendas. I see communities gathered for the benefit of all, not just the ones with the most toys. I see the need for leaders, money, attainment and social status dissolving almost overnight. I see each of us enthusiastically applying our trade, not for wages, wealth or fame, but because it is what we were meant to do, why we were created.

The problem is that we do not believe that such a world exists, or could ever exist, we believe that in change the same rules we’ve grown to know will still apply. In our mind’s eye when we attempt to understand how this change may effect us, the only images we can envision are contained in the same, tired, dark and deceptive paradigm that we accept as reality. And the leaders we look to for guidance are the same ones that have led us into damnation – the faces change, of course, but the self-serving desires have continued throughout history. Our leaders tell us what our world is and we accept their view, never understanding the lie.

I hear the word revolution bandied about a lot of late, but what we fail to understand is the revolution has to occur inside of us, negating any reason to pick up arms. I hear so often how we should fight, we have wars on terror, cancer, drugs, which of course, have led us to more terror, cancer and drugs. But life should be about more than avoiding death and living should be about more than finding another ruler to lead us.

I hear the conspiracy theorists and others speak of a bloodline of rulers that control the earth, but again, we have been led astray. There is a bloodline, but we, the ones called to seek, the ones awakening, are the ones that possess it, not the other way around. It was hi-jacked from us and we have been brainwashed and deluded into believing the lies and forgetting our gifts. The knowledge was stolen from us, but the spark of that truth still lingers within, undeniable and vibrantly alive.

I have no ideas as to how this evolution will unfold or even if I will live to see it, but I know it will occur and I know it is possible for each of us that possess that spark of knowledge to rise above the chaos now flooding the earth. We must quit investing our emotion, time and energy into fighting against what we don’t want, arguing about such unimportant issues like politics and spending valuable time worried about money. We must begin imagining what has always been perceived as impossible. We must recognize that although the world tells us we only have a couple choices, our choices actually are numerous and unending. We must understand that working within the system, especially the systems we have now, only keep us on the path to loss and damnation. We are meant to be in the world, not of the world and by defining our lives by worldly matters we become trapped – enslaved by something that doesn’t even exist.

And we must never forget that it is our differences that make us great - our creativity, our quirkiness and idiosyncrasies. These things are not meant to be dampened or drugged, our individuality and our talents - whether or not the world accepts them - are what gives us the power to be free. And when we set those things aside to fit into the world, we fall into the herd mindset and sacrifice a lot more than just our pride and dreams.

It is time to awaken, not just to the deceptions around us, but to that spark of knowledge that resides within and rise above.

It's Time To Rise Above

I’ve been out in the world this week, feeling a bit of celebration in my soul. Looking around the world, though, there appears little to celebrate - wars, raging storms, uncounted numbers of missing people taken by Hurricane Ike and of course, crashing financial statements across the world. And yet, knowing all that, I felt a joy inside that made little sense.

My week consisted of home cooked meals, playing music, interacting with people and I even threw in a little dancing on top of it all. There are things to celebrate in our life, like the release of our newest CD, but my joy seemed greater than that, disconnected from that accomplishment.

Of course, for me, celebrations always bring about a moment of sadness, of loss, as I remember my son and feel the emptiness left by his passing. Luckily, a good friend was there to remind me that both my joy and my pain are a testament to the power of my son’s life.

Although, I had interactions with very positive and loving people, I also, because the world is dual, saw darkness and a strange emptiness I don’t think I have ever before witnessed. There appears to be a weight on the world, on the shoulders of mankind, holding each one down and instilling hopelessness, recklessness and confusion. It seems we can no longer perceive the depths of light, our flame is being extinguished.

The fear running through society is overshadowed by an odd numbness of forced smiles, abrupt hatred and idle chitchat, a strange combination that leads us to exhaustion. The media and our elected officials are pushing the fear as though their very lives depended on it… and perhaps they do. And the campaigning for our next president is presented as though we actually have a choice and the different factions are indeed, different.

We have been inundated for years by media talking points, approved opinions and selected leaders and at some point we either surrender to the game, or we rise above it. I use the term rise above quite often and I wish I could define it more clearly for those sharing their time with me, but all I know is that it is instinctual and it is possible, despite how we are led to disbelieve it. We are more powerful than we know and while we are being driven to panic, fear and desperation, we grow further away from our power.

Darkness is falling, but we have a choice to step above it, we do not have to wear it on our shoulders and we do not have to become encapsulated in its gelatinous mass. And because the world is dual, even as the darkness descends the light is right behind it, waiting to be felt. If we reach down inside and find that joy, find the reason to smile, laugh and celebrate, perhaps, we will help usher in the light sooner.

The sad truth of the matter is that not everyone shares the spark and the flame that will lift him or her to higher realms, so in our journey and in our celebration, we must remember not to shine too much light into a bottomless pit. We can’t save this world that is rapidly crumbling, but we can save ourselves and others like us, if we remain diligent, unclouded by the electronic haze and focused on the light.

Over the last few years, I have seemingly run a little crazy, exploring the murk and the depths with no apparent rhythm or reason, but now it is time to trust that the knowledge I have sought is safely stored away. The harvest is complete, so we must not allow the television, radio, news, message boards or even the emptiness we perceive in our fellow man fill us with fear, we seekers must rise above, fully trusting that when we need it, the salvation of truth will be there.

Peace

It's Happening

It’s happening, it’s really happening - I’ve been saying it since Katrina. I don’t feel it all the time, but occasionally I’ll be reading or watching the news and keeping up on current events when the feeling will sweep over me and I know… It’s happening. I don’t know what the It is, but I know it is occurring and will affect many of us.

I’ve actually spent the last couple years trying to determine what the It is and I’ve come across so many possible scenarios, it’s impossible to cling to any one truth. I suspect they all contain some truth - bits and pieces scattered around to keep us guessing. And although it seems many seekers disagree on several levels, most of us are getting those odd flashes, perhaps reminders, that what ever is going to happen is underway.

We feel it in our bones, we feel it in the way our eyes fall on the clock at certain times, everyday. We feel it in those strange moments when we are taken aback by everyday sights, suddenly seeing them from a new perspective. We feel it in our dreams and those quiet moments between sleeping and waking when we suddenly receive insights and visions and awake knowing more than we did before we went to bed.

The signs are around us, both obvious and hidden - the markers of change. And we recognize them on some level, whether or not we choose to acknowledge it. I wonder, at times, how we know these signs, how we “remember” them, but at this point it no longer matters. We see the events escalating around us and the fear grows thicker with each passing day. And although I can’t see what is on the other side of the hill, I feel very certain that fear is not necessary.

Fear has been piped into our consciousness, feeding an energy that we cannot see. There are a lot of names for what this energy may be, but if we strip down the words and levels of reality, we come to the conclusion, that what ever it is, it simply is and has always been. But we don’t have to be pulled down by this fearful energy thief, like crabs in a bucket, I believe that rising above the fear is what we are supposed to be doing right now, instead of falling into the horrors pumped out by the 24/7 propaganda barrage.

Some believe that nothing ever changes, but history tells a different tale and we are on the verge of changes, but how they will manifest I do not know. I do believe, however, that we have more power than we know and it is not written in stone that we will simply become victims of forces we perceive to be greater than us. I believe it is possible to create our own small paradise even in the midst of all the chaos.

There are many gurus and false prophets sent to guide us, but deep in our hearts we know a true prophet would not sing his own praises. A true spiritual leader would not say, “look at me”, but, rather, “look inside”. And a genuine guru would never inform us we have no power and must fight; he would know we have all the power and should simply be.

We live in an over-stimulated world with millions vying for attention, but there is a lot to be said for being still and hearing silence. As the media harps on financial doom, as the storms boil in the seas and as the wars rage, we must find that quiet spot within to retreat, to refresh, to regroup in the face of chaos. The Cherokee once warned that in the end of days time would speed up, events would escalate and the way to survive would be to slow down - the faster the world spins, the slower the wise ones would become.

Despite our knowing that the media spins truth to fit a pre-arranged agenda, our fear, our reptile brain, does not recognize the illusion and when our news anchors allude to fear, we are well programmed to take it as truth. Fear is the desired response, not the truth. Fear keeps us in our place, mired in the depths of confusion, never realizing the power we hold. Fear keeps us running the straight line, rarely stopping for breath or studying the view around us. How can we see beyond the veil of illusion when we are constantly worried, fearful and rushed?

The media paints a picture of what is occurring, but we do not have to accept that picture as our own. Whatever is happening, is happening and we always knew it would - many of us came into the world knowing. And we must remember that no celebrity, politician, prophet or guru can lead us to safety, only through slowing down and looking inside can we find the key. We have the knowledge, we were born with it and now is the time to embrace it and rise above this falling house of cards.

Be Still

Disclosure Is Close, Are They Coming?

I always wonder about the timing of things and rarely believe that things “just happen”, especially when viewed in the national spotlight. I gave up believing in coincidences a long time ago and realize under the guise of happenstance, many gears are turning. So it was with curiosity and a desire to see beneath the fabric that I tuned into ABC last night to watch UFOs: Seeing Is Believing (Part 2) hosted by David Muir. Part 1 of this series aired in February of 2005 and was hosted by the late Peter Jennings and Part 2 mainly rehashed the Jennings episode, but this time more respected witnesses were brought forward and less debunking occurred.

I realize across the world people are anxiously awaiting disclosure and many believe that these visiting aliens may be our salvation from a doomed and dying world, but I can’t get past the idea that we are being led, not towards disclosure, but a grand deceit. While viewing television of late, both the programming and the advertisements, I’ve kept one question in mind and that question is, “What do they want me to believe?” Those in the know understand that television is absolute propaganda, changing the thinking and foundation of our country. And when we can approach our viewing from that mindset, a lot of truths become clear - not the packaged and approved “truth” being sold with expensive airtime, but the motivations behind them. We know our media is owned by a select group of men, no longer does free press reign in our world, so we must always keep that fact in the back of our minds and question their goals.

I’ve noticed in recent years that stories of UFOs and strange lights have gotten more and more mainstream attention and although I know it thrills many in the UFO community, it puts a twinge in my gut. The only reason UFOs are getting attention is that someone, with a lot of money and power, has decided to allow it. We must remember that as tightly controlled as the media is, we will not view what we are not supposed to see. So why are we seeing it now? Where are we being led?

If the belief in UFOs and extraterrestrials had remained on the fringe, I could have looked upon it with the eyes of a child, alight with curiosity and mystery, but seeing it fall into the hands of the mainstream, it becomes suspect. With countries beginning to release their previously top-secret UFO files, the Vatican stating that the belief in aliens is not inconsistent with the belief in God and cable and networks releasing programming supporting such beliefs, I think it is time to step back and reevaluate the situation.

The media created this storm of UFO belief in the 40s and 50s and although it appeared on the surface that the government did not believe, the seed was planted and over the years, nourished by movies, books and television. And now that seed, a sturdy and strong tree, is about to bear fruit. We must remember that the sowing of this seed was not natural, it was created in a lab of ratings and radio advertisements, book sales and television, so we must truly be cautious when embracing the change we see sweep through the mainstream opinion base.

The last few years have been ripe with war, fear, financial doom and natural disasters and at the same time, UFOs have flourished in the media and again I wonder, why now? I’ve written a couple articles on the Blue Beam theory of a faked alien invasion and a couple on the idea of mass depopulation and it seems to me these ideas fit together perfectly. Or perhaps since God has been replaced by science, we need to be given a new savior. Or maybe we aren’t responding to the terrorist agenda as was expected and a new fear must be instituted to keep us in line. Whatever the motivation behind the swing towards disclosure, we must remember it is a manipulation provided by the ones with the most power and influence and the only reason those doors are opening is because there is a plan and I would wager, it is not in our best interests.

With banks failing at a record rates, gas and food prices escalating daily, parts of the Gulf coast decimated by Hurricane Ike and the elections dividing us more and more I think it grows important to analyze why our leaders want us to look to the skies. There’s a lot going on, mixed messages confusing and exhausting us, police state mentalities appearing across the map and now our leaders want us to trust them as they inform us that there may be UFOs and extraterrestrial life out there and maybe, soon to be here.

As I explore the Internet, I see more and more posts from those dreaming of craft in the skies, of a war playing out in the heavens and from what I can gather those dreams are tinged with fear and the desire to escape. And frankly as one who shares the same dream, I found it fascinating that others were also experiencing it and I take it as a warning that if these dreams bloom into reality, it is not a good scenario for the average citizen. If there are UFOs and extraterrestrials, I do not believe that they will ride in like the White Knight in some fairy tale to rescue us. And if the aliens are already here, as some surmise, then they’ve been rubbing elbows with the very elite that we know we cannot trust and again, that doesn’t work out well for us.

Last night I watched as ABC programmed millions of viewers to believe that UFOs are real, not just the die-hard ufologists who already believe, but the masses and if we don’t question the motivation behind their actions, I fear many will be deceived.

Keep Seeking

Skipping Through The Valley

It seems I’ve been staring into the abyss yet again, you’d think by now I’d know better, but I believe that we are meant to seek, to look under the rocks and explore the darkened corners. I have been told that “real” truth seekers end up bitter and alone and that the object of this “game” we are playing is to latch onto one theory and run with it towards fame and fortune, whether or not it contains truth. And although I know the world down here is full of illusion, the thought that some see the search as simply about deceit and money struck me as highly disturbing.

Yet, I recognize that many feel this way and many approach life as if it is one big game of Monopoly, with the object being to be the banker. But my desire and the reason I seek like I do, staring into the murky depths, is to find the key Jesus spoke of and to free myself from this prison. The prison I speak of is all around us, but many don’t see it. It’s a prison of conformity, of "one thought fits all" and it is claustrophobic - leaving me to punch at the restraining walls to clear my view.

I believe to really know God and to find the peace that I am seeking I must rise above all illusion and see things exactly as they are, but no one ever said the search would be easy. It’s disconcerting to realize many things that we once held as truth, are nothing but lies. Yet, we must move forward, always striving to uncover another gem to add to our collection. We must pull up our boot straps and take the next step, speak our truth, but not wield it as a weapon. And we must accept when those we love fall behind or take another path, but we can not allow that to inhibit our progression. Sometimes we simply must let go and trust.

I have often compared this journey through life to the walk through the valley of the shadow of death referred to in Psalm 23, you know, the one in which we are to fear no evil. But fear is overwhelming down here, programmed into us and manipulated through the media to sell product. We accept fear as a normal part of our lives and we pass the fear through our families, onto our children and grandchildren and feel secure that we have taught them well.

They say the meek inherit the earth, but who, then, gets the kingdom? Can we find the kingdom with our heads down, absently following the advice of self-professed experts? And if the meek, fearful and obedient, receive the earth, do the bold, reckless and shunning convention, find the kingdom? For myself, I want the kingdom. I want to be free of the illusions, I want to break out of the confining boxes of convention, “common knowledge” and the way it’s always been done, I want to know the secrets and understand the lies.

There are many boogey men in this valley of shadows and death, many monsters waiting in the wings to frighten us from searching. But I am beginning to understand they have no power over us, they are simply cardboard cut outs in a ridiculously repeating fun house and until we can move beyond each one, it will continue to haunt us.

Keep Seeking

Words Are Limiting

If I had to say what was underneath all of our problems here on earth, I would give the credit to evil, yes, I said it, evil. Our perception of evil is interesting, no longer do people see right and wrong and when someone does something hideous to another human being, it is not evil, it is simply mental illness. We’ve developed a new language to disguise the black and white duality in which we exist and we have become a muddied gray of inconsistencies and untruths.

I’ve heard it said that all the world’s problems are caused by religion, the wars, the inquisitions, the witch hunts, slavery, oppression, pedophilia, abuse and on and on, and most people believe that religion means belonging to a religious organization. But according to the dictionary, religion means - Belief in and reverence for a supernatural power or powers regarded as creator and governor of the universe or a personal or institutionalized system grounded in such belief and worship. So anyone that believes in a higher power, or God, is religious. And according to the growing popular belief system, anyone who believes in God is the problem.

I often read intellectual debates of those trying to disprove the existence of God, but I tend to find most of them circular and in the end, it comes down to a simple difference of perception. I know God exists because I see Him everywhere. I see Him in the faces of the children who come to our gigs and dance and giggle. I see Him in the smooth wrinkles of the elderly. I see Him as the ocean ebbs and flows, in the trees that contain too many greens to name, in the birds nesting trustfully, in the flowers that return every year like a promise. I see Him in wildlife and in the instinctual wisdom of animals, I see Him when a human being expresses empathy and compassion towards a stranger, I see Him, I always have. And my seeing Him doesn’t come from rigid religious training, I wasn’t raised in a church or by Bible thumpers, I simply came into the world knowing that above all else, He is real.

My knowledge of God goes beyond the books and the organized religions and the semantics, words are limiting and cannot, in many cases, express the basic truths. We are pretty arrogant these days, educated and self-esteemed beyond measure and we carry our belief systems, either for or against, like a billboard on our shoulders, daring another to comment. I’ve had both Christians and Atheists attempt to convert me and have been informed of my lack of understanding and ignorance by both sides and yet this subtle tug, this small beam of light in a gray world will not be denied.

If I had to label myself, something I loathe to do, I would say I am a follower of Christ’s teachings. Although I always knew of God’s existence, I did not understand Christ until 2003 while I was recovering from the loss of my only child and from a surgical mistake that left me bedridden for months. I did not go seeking Jesus, he found me and I grew to understand the words “born again”. I did not join a church and attempt to convert others because I understand how infinitely personal the change is, it not something to be found looking outside of oneself, but by keeping a focus inside. It is not something to be found by saying a certain prayer and it is not something to be found by spending more time in the world, but less so.

There is wrong and right and good and evil in this world, but it is not my job to judge others, only my job to judge a situation for myself and decide if it is taking me closer to God or further from Him. If we believe that life ends here and we are worm food, we have no need to strive for anything more than control, money and material possessions, but if we believe, as I do, that there is something after this life, then we must stay on the narrow path. And the path is not as clear as organized religions would have us think, it is hidden, that is why we were instructed to seek.

As I see the manipulations we endure down here I understand that evil is real and not a mental illness or a sickness. As I see the manipulations I wonder how any of us will survive. We have been well taught that the real truth only comes from the government, religious organizations, science or the media. We believe that we must have a middleman, an expert, to explain the truth to us. We have lost our way, have become dependent upon our leaders and we have learned that it is far easier to give into peer pressure than to think for ourselves.

It is my belief that this journey through life is like a staircase, each time we move forward we will see, learn and experience disturbing things, the trick is to overcome the fear and take another step. We must challenge ourselves; we must seek beyond where others have found their truths. And above all else we must not be blinded by arrogance, popular opinion or fearful conclusions. Some say we only get one chance at this life, but I have a feeling we get many, too many to stay blind.

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The Spark and The Flame

I spend a lot of time reading opinions and attempting to unravel the mysteries of all the barriers we place between us. I recognize that folks are different and that is the beauty part of the beast, but we have been taught that down deep we all share similarities. The dictionary defines the soul as “The animating and vital principle in humans, credited with the faculties of thought, action, and emotion and often conceived as an immaterial entity” and the spirit as “The vital principle or animating force within living beings”. I once asked a religious man for the difference between the spirit and the soul and he could not provide an answer, but for me, I define the soul as that spark of light inside and our spirit determines whether or not the spark becomes a flame.

From the time of our birth we are told we are all alike, the differences between us are only visual. Medicine and science also confirm this idea, although we are men and women, young and old and come from a variety of cultures and religions, basically, we are the same. But I have wondered, are we really all the same? Do we all have souls? Do some possess neither the spark nor the flame? I think that the difference between us is deep below the surface, unseen and it has nothing to do with race, culture, religion or sex and has everything to do with either having that spark or not having it.

Some have suggested that those in power, relentless executives and those making the rules for us all to live by are psychopaths, which Dr Robert Hare, creator of the psychopathy checklist, describes as "Psychopaths are social predators who charm, manipulate, and ruthlessly plow their way through life, leaving a broad trail of broken hearts, shattered expectations, and empty wallets. Completely lacking in conscience and in feelings for others, they selfishly take what they want and do as they please, violating social norms and expectations without the slightest sense of guilt or regret." Hare.org Often when we think of psychopaths we think of brutal criminals sitting in jail or receiving the death penalty for their unimaginable behaviors. And statistically we understand a lot of folks jailed for their criminal actions tend to come from poverty and abuse ridden homes, but what happens to those young psychopaths born into grace and wealth?

John Lennon once said, “Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives. I think we're being run by maniacs for maniacal ends and I think I'm liable to be put away as insane for expressing that. That's what's insane about it.” And I think he was correct, we live in a psychopathic world and we are being trained to become a psychopathic population. I think the mistake many make when thinking about psychopaths is that we envision that they are sinister, murderous and television has done a fine job of teaching us that they usually get caught. But the truth is psychopaths are charming, cold-blooded, superficial and I am beginning to understand, lacking both the spark and the flame. They are the movers, shakers and climbers of the world, carelessly seeking their own agenda, while around them those with simple goals, conscience and who feel compassion and empathy for their fellow man, fall.

They hold power over us because we believe we are all the same, we believe we all possess the same emotions, so it is hard to imagine a view without those connections. When Katrina hit, I cried, I didn’t know anyone affected personally, but the sight of dead Americans lying in the streets hurt and scared me in a way I still can not express. While many of us mourned and agonized over the suffering and despair in our own back yard, our Secretary of State was reported to have been on a shoe shopping spree in New York. Snopes And across America while many families are wondering how they will survive, as gas prices are topping 3.50 a gallon and food prices are exploding amid rumors of rationing, our President was seen dancing in New Orleans. NECN These actions speak more of superficial showmen concerned with appearance, than of compassionate and empathic leaders struggling to protect the best interests of Americans, but we still don’t see.

I am coming to the conclusion that we do not all have the spark of light and for many who still do in these days of old, it is sputtering. This darkness is not a new thing on this earth, history and legends have always attempted to explain the lack and left us clues in scary stories of monsters, devils, aliens, zombies and vampires. But what has been lost in translation is that on the surface those monsters look just like us, the calculating beast resides deep below what we are able to see. And because our lack of knowledge has made us blind, we follow the boogey men and our spark begins to sputter and die.

The psychopaths and monsters have taken over and they have convinced us that their way, full of lies and deceit, is the truth. And we believe because we can not imagine that some folks are completely empty inside. They keep us distracted with chores, sex, fancy gadgets and sooth us with convenient drugs. We quickly learn if we work very hard we can find God and our mansion, which can only be bought with lots of money. We spend hours watching their magical and hypnotic box as they instruct us in the way we should go. We hand them over our children, earlier and earlier, with each passing generation and then wonder why our children begin to grow to see us as the enemy. We, that carry the spark inside of us, are being conquered, divided, deceived and extinguished at an unbelievable rate.

It seems we have come to believe that if it is not on television, then it is not the truth, as if those attempting to deceive us are going to tell us the truth. The television has been the evil-doers greatest success in molding a human, tearing down the moral fiber, dumbing down the population and creating a sense of apathy, fear, division and sedation among the people. Do we really believe that they, the ones without spark or flame, are going to inform us that our flame is in the process of being extinguished? How can we understand we are living in deception, yet accept that deception as truth?

With all the chaos that is occurring in our world, I wonder how many understand that underneath the chaos a spiritual battle is being waged. In these modern times, it is easy to believe that what is occurring is just a product of advanced civilization, a sign of the times of living in a terrorist era or a technological age, but the battle being fought under the surface is as old as time. A wise man once said that the path is a narrow one and as I look about the world and see how easily we have accepted the training to surrender our empathy and compassion, to accept this psychopathic way of being as normal, I understand that man spoke truth.

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Additional Links

I’ve spent the last month delving into the depths of child abuse and it has not been an easy exploration and my mind seems to scatter, stunned at all the available information. When I began this last article What Are We Doing To Our Children? I wasn’t really sure which direction I was headed. It seems that child abuse is a junction in the fabric of the tapestry, the threads leading out in all directions, certainly too many for one person to follow. Looking briefly down the corridors, I am beginning to grasp the vast darkness that resides on this planet and understand that the illusion, the blindness that has been spoken of, is truth.

We like to compartmentalize things, keeping all ideas separate and I suppose that was devised, but we don’t live in hundreds of separate worlds, just one and to see the whole picture, we have to let ideas flow and blend. So in my attempt to let ideas flow I gathered a lot of links, far too many to put into the most recent article, so I thought I’d share.

“Pending lawsuits allege that U.S. military contractors on duty in Bosnia bought and "owned" young women.” Salon

“Homeland Security official arrested in child sex sting” CNN

“Jailed ex-cop claims conspiracy of 'elites'. Duncan man tells Ontario court pedophile ring being protected.” Times Colonist

“Sex scandal divides conservative allies in Chile's Congress” Boston Globe

“McKee resigns amid investigation (child pornography). Delegate says he has entered treatment.” Herald-Mail

“Police Smash Global Pedophile Ring” Breitbart

“DCF spokesman arrested in connection with sex crimes involving minors” Tallahassee Democrat

The History of Child Abuse by Lloyd deMause The Journal of Psychohistory 25 (3) Winter 1998 Psychohistory

“Social workers blamed for continued abuse of three daughters in remote island community” Guardian

“'Foster-care nightmare' for boys” NY Daily News

“Your Child is Worth Money to the State” iFeminists

“Desperate Mother Warns of Rampant Abuse by California Child Protective Services” Educate Yourself

“Rights in Conflict, Parents Struggle to Reunite Family” Daily News Recorder

Thanks to all the wonderful folks who have supplied information and support, you know who you are!

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