Victoria S. Hardy

Victoria S. Hardy

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Sanity Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

Sometimes I just know the majority of the world has gone insane, although weeding the sane from the insane has always been difficult for me. There are those that are considered sane and have high-powered positions, but I find their mental cohesion a little iffy and there are others that no one would question their diagnosis of mental instability, but I am sometimes wowed by the wisdom of their words.

It seems the divisions between sane and insane are thicker these days, what makes perfect and logical sense to one group, appears riddled with inconsistencies to another. Maybe it’s because in the last few decades’ mental health has been pulled from the closet and exposed to the seeking masses, therefore we are all armchair shrinks wishing to gently inform another of their lack of sanity.

It’s a busy world these days, the headlines come and go and it seems the descent into uniform madness is growing slippery with each passing day. Thought I’d share some news articles, I guess like beauty, sanity is in the eye of the beholder.

In Colorado an elementary school has banned Tag on the school ground, running games are still allowed as long as students do not chase each other. Two years ago another school district in Colorado also did away with the childhood favorite game in favor of alternatives with less physical contact

On August 29th a home in Indiana was raided by the ATF and although the warrant was sealed and we cannot know what brought the agency to this particular South Bend resident, Hazmat was called in due to an inordinate amount of stored material in the yard. Wood, sand bags and 55-gallon drums of gasoline were stored as the gentleman in question awaited the end of the world. WSBT One neighbor explained, “He came up and said the world was going to end and he needed the wood for his wood burners at home. He told me to start stockpiling perishable goods. Kind of a freaky scene there."

In California a young woman has covered her house in anti-government lingo inspired by God. Her neighbors definitely believe she has fallen off the crazy wall into the great beyond, but Estrella Benevides is confident in what she is doing and this is the second house she has covered with her beliefs.

And in Florida a man has been ordered by the city to remove a Ron Paul for President sign from his front yard. The city claims he needs to remove the sign or pay a fifty-dollar fee to insure that he will remove all said signs when the election is over. The resident believes the fee should only apply to the signs that litter every corner during elections, put out by the politicians or their crew, but the city believes it applies to everyone who puts a sign for a candidate in their yard.

So there you have it, a mixed bag of weirdness, sane or insane, I guess it depends on your perception. Individual insanity or group insanity, I guess we can all pick a side.

As always, Keep Seeking

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Doom Mongers, Truth Tellers and Illusion Spinners

There’s a lot going on in the world these days, the doomsayers expect the end to come any day and it seems many of us have trouble seeing what the future holds. The television news drones mindlessly, as real issues go undisturbed and Britney, Paris and Lindsey are still grabbing the headlines.

Government officials seem to be jumping ship with a new resignation each week, troops have been deployed to Washington DC, a huge war protest in Kennebunk was ignored by the national media and million dollar put options have been gambled on our stock market in anticipation of an upcoming collapse.

I see these things, first as rumors, then as facts, but I have little energy to write about them anymore. Perhaps it’s writer’s block, I hear it happens to all of us from time to time, or perhaps I am disappointed with my ability to change the world or at least, a few minds.

Some say reality is what we make it, others say we are perpetually at the mercy of others and still others say, everything is fine, what are you worried about? But this generation has been traumatized by the events of 9-11, just as my parent’s generation was affected by Pearl Harbor. The illusion is gone; we know a big, life-changing event can occur, because it has occurred. So we wait, expecting the worse, hoping for the best and attempting to numb our fear through a myriad of outlets.

We have been taught war from our youth and even I played with Army Men as a child. The wars rage everywhere, yes, on the battlefields in foreign countries, but also here at home, as we debate and gossip about who is better. Harley vs. Honda, Ford vs. Chevy, Gay vs. Straight, Black vs. White vs. Brown, Male vs. Female, Fat vs. Skinny, Vegan vs. Meat Eaters, Tattooed vs. Unadorned, Rock vs. Rap vs. Country vs. Soul vs. Pop, Conservative vs. Liberal and once we throw religion in, the wars swirl even more.

Why must we elevate ourselves by knocking others down?

The thing about facts is that they change. We’ve all seen it, what was common knowledge, a fact, in one generation, will become an old wives tale and a fallacy in the next. But people bet their money, balance their belief system and attack their peers over these “facts”. Facts that next week, next month or next year will no longer be truth.

As I read the headlines, websites and forums and I see so much energy invested into these facts, whether the fact is about how George Bush is the greatest president or the worst, or how the economy is great or awful, or how our health care system is the best or a huge deception and I simply know that I do not know. We can only guess at our truth and we can only follow the signs that we are given.

I will continue to watch the doom mongers, truth tellers and illusion spinners, seeking inspiration and “facts”. I will continue perusing headlines attempting to discover patterns to make sense of all things. And I will continue to watch nature longing for the signs that always come, but the simple “fact” of the matter is, my truth and yours will always be different.

Keep Seeking

Thursday, August 16, 2007

God has a Sense of Humor

Perhaps it is true that we create our own reality, some say that is the secret that has been hidden from us for eons and I’ve spent a lot of time pondering the idea. When I saw the movie The Secret I was inspired and I understood the power I held over certain personality flaws that I had battled in my life, but I also had questions. If we create the good and the bad in our lives and we are solely responsible for our creation, then did the fact that I had dreamt of my son’s death for years, also mean I created it? Did I, through the unconscious act of dreaming, hold the responsibility for his demise?

I have lived a rough and tumble life, like an ever-curious cat, blessed with 9 lives. Some have called me a chameleon, with an odd ability to fit in most groups, but remain true to myself and although it was a nice compliment, it was not truth. I’ve often been lost or seemingly overwhelmed by the energy of others and I’ve often wandered far from my path, but is it really a path if it has no name or real direction?

From the time I was 9 or 10 I knew I didn’t want to grow up to become a bitter old woman, strange from one so young, but I knew I would rise above than condition. My grandmother came to live with us in the months after my sister’s death and it was a hard time for all involved. The loss of my sister felt like the entire soul of the family had been sucked dry. My grandmother was a bitter woman who complained about deeds done to her by enemies who had been dead longer than I had been alive, but for her the wounds were as fresh as if they had occurred yesterday. She wasn’t the type of woman who baked cookies or patted you after a bike wreck. She carried a darkness with her, almost shadow-like, that I avoided at all costs and it was so strong that it left a life-long impression on me.

I’ve met many women, who after a divorce, swear they will never marry again, but for me, I keep trying and with the fourth husband I finally got it right. I am not ashamed of my track record, because I have grown and learned a lot, mostly about myself. As a kid growing up in a chaotic and violent family, I had a lot to learn about the workings of interpersonal relationships and I think few of us have a roadmap. As a child I didn’t envision myself married and never dreamed of a perfect wedding day, I dreamed of becoming a Beat poet in Greenwich Village, but alas, I was born too late.

Instinct has always been my guide, a subtle knowing. I’ve learned over the years to trust that knowing and even when the results of my actions don’t turn out the way I might have believed they would, I usually find that I have gained an insight, which would not have come to me without having experienced the turmoil.

So do we create our reality? If so, then much of my reality has come through dumb luck, strange blessings and subtle urgings. Until recently, I have never had a plan, or even much of a vision, I’ve pin-balled my way through life, ducking and dodging at the right moments, kind of blind and stupid, but always a survivor.

I did feel inspired by The Secret, in a post-hypnotic suggestion kind of way and the knowledge that I have more power than I knew was a helpful tool on my journey, but I also feel that to believe anything 100% means we are giving that power away. I’ve always felt a force or a higher power working in the world, a knowledge that good exists, heaven is real and that God has a sense of humor. Perhaps I am creating that force through my thoughts and if so, I can’t think of a better way to utilize the lessons learned in The Secret.

As always, Keep Seeking

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

A Ramble

I sound like Rodney King, but I do wish we could find a way to get along. Or at least leave each other alone. I see so much anger in the world and the world reflects that state of being right back to us through wars, weather and disease. I learned a long time ago that issues must be dealt with or else they fester and grow worse and our world is expressing that illness.

I feel blessed, but some that know of my experiences might wonder why and may even suggest that cursed is more appropriate, however, I know I have been blessed. Perhaps it is simply a matter of perspective and seeing the good and learning from the bad, or maybe it is just a stubborn mindset I’ve adopted, but I am pleased to be me. I think that all my troubles, challenges and losses have given me a unique view of the world and an empathy with people. I like to understand patterns and although exhausting at times, I like to look at situations deeper than most.

All this is leading up to my latest confusion and perhaps confusion is too strong of a word, currently I am fascinated and disturbed by the absolute anger surrounding religion. And I wonder how we can merge the loving words of God, by whichever name we call Him, with the abject hatred of others who believe differently than us. It’s a mystery that has been considered by minds much greater than my own, but still I wonder. And frankly I don’t see any organized group rising above the hatred, only using it and manipulating others to follow along blindly.

I’ve always held a deep faith, a knowledge of something bigger and grander than me, a rhyme and a reason to events that could not be explained by mere happenstance and I find great strength in that knowing. I’ve never been a joiner of groups or church, for me, I don’t find God in a room filled with others, nor have I found my faith through following the words of others, my belief is quiet and maintained through spending time alone. But I recognize that all people are not me and each should have the right and ability to make their own connections with God in the manner that they see fit.

I see a lot of Christian bashing these days and it has become popular entertainment to mock Christians. Unless we go to a Christian college we are taught that Jesus was just another in a long line of Sun Gods, a continuation of pagan ideals and gods, so to believe in Christ bespeaks of an ignorance of history. But I understand that even the very educated can be ignorant and the more we attach ourselves and cling to ideas of organized and approved truths, the more ignorant we become.

I guess it is the lack of spirit I perceive in the world and in the words of our leaders that disturbs me the most. And sometimes I wonder if the belief that we are born equally endowed with a soul is an illusion. What if only a percentage of us born possess a soul and a connection to God? As spiritual beings having a human experience our soul and our spiritual life should be the most important focus, but for the majority of us living today, it is not. What if, like planting a seed and nurturing it, we must work to grow a soul?

In my way of thinking when we are in tune with our connection to the divine, we are not threatened by others pursuing their beliefs. And I think the thing that few of us understand is that faith and God is important, if it was not important, there would not be so much anger and chaos surrounding the idea. Some may say religion is only there to control the masses and I think there is truth in that statement, but the desire to connect comes from the inside and it is strong. It is more than instinct, it is almost like a thirst for those who experience the gnawing, it is not a fairy tale or an illusion, it is a truth all unto itself.

People seeking their connection through religion have never offended me, but using that religion to justify harming others is very offensive. Yes, many wars have been fought balanced on the head of religion, but God did not order those wars, men did and men are not God. I see a lot of people seeking others to prove to them that God exists, not understanding we can only prove it to ourselves, it is a choice, it is free will and it is time, sacrifice and energy, just like tilling the ground to plant a seed.

Keep Seeking