Victoria S. Hardy

Victoria S. Hardy

Friday, December 29, 2006

The Holy Days

Remember to stay positive, don't dwell in the darkness. I spent the majority of the Christmas vacation with the television on, I wanted to check out what the world was saying and what chaos resides out there. The world seems so small through the eyes of the box, the choices limited. Sadly, we saw the loss of James Brown, the godfather of soul (the hardest for me, my home town hero), Gerald Ford, ex-president and Frank Stanton, ex-CBS president and the creator of the "eye" logo. Three great men, three "kings" of their chosen worlds, I wonder what that means in the bigger picture.

I watched a lot of religious shows, surprising how much was available in such a secular world. When I expected to hear wonderful messages of hope, as it was Christmas, I heard of war. The same message repeated on each program, the war on Christmas, the war on Christians, I heard of murder, saw an interview with a pastor who helped save Jeffrey Dahmer's soul, and then I heard of more killing. And I kept thinking this is Christmas aren't we supposed to be rejoicing in the promise of eternal blessings, or something like that, but all I heard was war. Then I watched a bible prophesy minister who seemed to imply that the coming of the microchip implants (the number of the beast) was "exciting" and after showing some news articles from NASA said that the new Jerusalem would be coming from space. Sometimes I feel like a stranger dropped in a strange land, I always thought church was supposed to make you feel good, loved and secure in your salvation, but all I saw was fear, terror and an obsession with death.

Then, of course, I got on the Internet to see what the smaller churches were saying and I found much the same message. Is there a war on Christmas? I think there is a war on common sense and sanity. I think there is a war on free thinking. I think there are grand manipulations on so many levels of our reality that the manipulations are manipulated. I was reminded of Orwell's 1984, how can I not be? Love is hate, Ignorance is strength and War is peace. So folks, the question becomes how do we stay positive in an upside down, twisted, mirrored world?

First we need to breathe and remember why we are here. We are not rats in a maze, we are spirits of God. We are not here to hate and judge, we are here to learn, grow and become brighter lights for God. We are not soulless consumers and competitors, we are the children of God, chosen to become great.

Be good to you, take the time to put up your feet and relax, take time to clear your mind of all the noise. Know that the energy you feel has been spoken about for eons, it's a natural evolution of the spirit. Trust yourself, a lot of powerful delusions exist today, trust your intuition to guide you through the jungle of chaos.

Take the time to smile, laugh and wonder. See goodness. Breathe in nature. Turn off the television. And as important as seeking is, remember to rest and recharge.

Love and Peace

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Who Benefits?

The words, Who benefits?, have been ringing in my head. Who benefits if we are finding ourselves believing in religion, aliens, the illuminati, lizards as the elite, the rapture, the ascension, the harvest, the bible, the devil or the nwo shadowy government? As crazy as many of these ideas may sound to some, there are people making lots of money selling these ideas and more and more people are believing them everyday. So they all become relevant in the bigger scheme in what is happening in our world.

We must ask ourselves if we fall in line, like ducks on the way to water, who benefits? Are we just one mind here on earth? Or are we free thinking individuals? It has been said that the Universe has invested a lot in our becoming individuals and it would be wise not to throw it away. We must ask ourselves who is funding these people with the slick websites, videos and books? Yes, a lot of their facts on history and politics are right on target, but are their conclusions? Are they seeking to spread truth or dissension? Are they striving to wake us up or bring us out? Do they want to stir our emotions and use our power for good or create paranoia and more darkness?

The reason I began asking these questions was a news article that came to my attention on the solstice. A virgin birth was announced as a komodo dragon had laid 7 eggs without relations with a male dragon, a miracle! Wow. Just days before Christmas and I thought surely the christians are up in arms over this "virgin birth", but no, evidently not. I searched the websites, watched my local christian channel, but no. Wow. Okay, but surely the christian conspiracy theorists would have noticed this announcement, isn't this what those folks call blasphemy? So I looked around, and no, no reaction. Strange, I thought, double checked my facts, yes, it was still in the papers, the eggs now described as 8, but the story was basically the same. Okay, then surely those people that believe the evil lizards are ruling the illuminati and the banks, surely those guys have seen what this means in their worlds of code and trickery, surely they have jumped on this announcement, but no, I was wrong again.

I'm not much of a bible reader, I have several and I have been known to pick one up from time to time and try to make sense of it, so when I heard of the dragon with the 7 eggs, I immediately remembered that I had read something like that in the bible, so I looked it up. Yes, right there in revelations 12, something about a red dragon with 7 heads, pretty close, so why hadn't the folks that run that rapture index mentioned this tidbit? How could the christian sites, that carry all-you-will-need-for-your-rapture-experience, not have noticed? Why didn't all those prophesy sites post and repost articles concerning a virgin birth of a dragon at Christmas and revelations? I'm sure I missed some sites that did, but the ones the majority rely on have said not a word, have not opened a dialogue and I find that odd.

The truth is hidden in plain sight, I guess, isn't that the way with all great puzzles and riddles? I suppose the difficult part is seeing past the trick the light is playing on our eyes. Remember, there are shreds of truth running through all these theories, conjectures and facts, but it is in the interpretation that changes your journey through the carnival fun house, the valley of death. Just because something jumps out and scares the hell out of you, doesn't mean that is the whole truth! The complete puzzle is bigger and more vast than we can comprehend, the pieces, scary as they may be, are out of context, don't get stopped by the special effects. As seekers it is our job to look at all the possible pictures, dust off our intuition and feel our way through the fun house tunnel until our eyes adjust. So when a new idea falls in your lap, ask... Who benefits?

Happy Seeking

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Keep Hope Alive

I've been struggling with the concept of time, attempting to make sense in how western time and mayan time could possibly match. I've also been attempting to see how time truly is circular, not linear after all. I've wandered through history, connecting the dots between the rise and fall of kingdoms and atrocities perpetrated by men in the name of God. I've studied Jesus trying to discern the truth of his words, from what I've been told they mean. I spent some time understanding politics, fascism and all the other ism's. I've looked into the conspiracy theories and decided the only conspiracy is the denial that many of these theories are truth. I've watched videos about HAARP, Bohemian Grove, Disclosure Projects, 911 Truth and I've seen Alex Jones, David Icke and a myriad of others. I've been to the Christian websites and have viewed the videos and TV broadcasts. I've cruised into space and time with Carl Sagan and Stephen Hawking. I read about prophesies from all cultures. And I've scanned the latest videos on Youtube of ufo and meteor sightings. I've walked through the metaphysical pages explaining the upcoming Shift in dimensions. And more. I feel like I've been around the world and back looking for continuous threads that tie this picture together.

And a lot of what I have seen is fear, control, wordplay and illusion. I have found it best to approach many of these subjects, sites and ideas with a "Who benefits?" mentality. Who benefits if I believe this idea? Does it add fear to an already fearful world? Can I push through the fear to find the real motive behind this idea being released into the world? What's this person or group selling? Are they wishing to enlighten me or scare me? Do their ideas steal hope? Is the only solution to the issue they are proposing to fight? To hate? To cause more divisions?

Enlightenment is a funny thing, when you open the doors on the dark, it takes a few minutes for your eyes to adjust and to see things clearly. Fear is part of the adjustment process, it is said that first you will be disturbed, then you will be amazed, but the loss of hope means you are seeing an illusion. It is true that forces we can not comprehend rule this earth and keep the illusions alive, be they men or lizards or aliens it does not matter, because the machine is dying. The machine feeds on fear, stop living in fear and you stop feeding the machine.

My problem with understanding the time frame came from not seeing the macrocosm, being human and seeing only earth time, I wasn't seeing the whole picture. It's not just earth time being affected by this change it is All time. All planets, All Universes, it is God, not the vengeful, jealous God, full of human inconsistencies that we have been taught about since birth, but the real God of which we can not comprehend. It is evolution. All things change with time, even time.

I also struggled to get past seeing time as linear, from point A to B to C and instead seeing it as circular, which means all time is now, just different dimensions of now. Which means, theoretically, by changing our thoughts to positive we can change the past and therefore the future. The past is not sealed and unchangeable as men would have us believe, we have tried to seal the past with words and books, tried to make it whole and solid, therefore linear, but it has not worked.

We have tried to encapsulate ourselves, to prevent further evolution, but man can not control the workings of God. Man can not control time and natural cycles. The evolution is occurring right on schedule, the fear that has kept us trapped is being exposed as illusions. The things we are seeing are not new things, the conspiracies, concentration camps, chemtrails, secret wars and secret societies, none of these things are new, we are just waking up. These things have always existed, kingdoms don't fall, they just change hands, the face of the ruler and the land on which it stands changes, not the ideals behind the control. As we individually wake up and see these things for what they are, the entire consciousness of the world also awakens.

For two thousand years (if not longer, time is funny) religion and politics have joined hands and resources to keep us ignorant of our essential being, our God connection. The leaders at the top of the pyramid have known about this shift and thought they could out smart God, who is calling us, and maintain their power. The television tells us hundreds of times a day that we are sick and need this drug or that one to feel better, to be normal, to fit in. Social anxiety? Male enhancement? Diabetes? Cancer? Hundreds of time a day they insert that thought, that fear into our minds. Are you sick yet? The news chases ideas of terror, domestic terror, international terror, kids killing kids terror, lunatics shooting innocents terror, flu epidemic terror, war terror, money terror. Are you scared yet? Then the religious right tell us that the rapture is coming any day and you better be in church or you may be left behind to suffer the wrath of God. Are you praying yet? And on top of all this we must go to work, get the kids to soccer, cook meals, wash clothes, work overtime to pay down those credit cards and have fun! Are you tired yet? Precisely the point.

Step out from the electronic world and feel the change. When the television tells you of war and disease step into your back yard or local park and see if you can see that of which they speak. The time has come to put your intellect and big media, politics and religion aside and know your intuition. The change is upon us, the Shift, the Rapture, the end of a time... however you choose to view it, but know you have far more control over the face of this change than you have ever imagined. Seek and study, break down the barriers of fear, shine the light in the dark corners and see that what you thought was a monster is really just a pair of dirty jeans. And above all else, keep hope alive.

Love, Light and Clarity

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Time and Chemtrails

I've got some questions....If the Mayan calendar ends 12-21-2012 and time is speeding up, how do we know their date and our date is the same? We know that the calendar we live by in the west has been manipulated over and again through history, so how do the days match? It is said that the Mayan calendar never errs, but it is also said that the Bible never contradicts itself, these are things I have been told, not things that I know. It's not the Mayan calendar I have trouble with, it's our ability to interrupt their facts.

If time is speeding up, wouldn't we feel it? How would that manifest in our individual experiences? Would clocks fall out of synch? Would seasons? Have we become so conditioned to seek our timekeeping from computers and cable boxes, that we would just adjust our "old fashioned" clocks accordingly? What about our own biological clocks? Wouldn't they just adjust to the seasons they had always known, disregarding the date on the calendar?

I felt the change as early as 3-3-03, as a strange pull to the change of seasons that I had never felt before, I didn't recognize it at the time and assumed it was a physical illness. The doctors agreed and found something to cut out of my body and after months of recovery, I felt the pull even stronger by autumn. By spring of 2004, I awoke knowing that the beat of the earth had changed, altered in a way I couldn't define, but I knew that it was truth. The only analogy I could think to find was to compare it to the beat of music, changing from 4/4 time to 3/4 time, which I didn't understand because I was not musical, but a month later I began playing the drums. It honestly was a frightening time for me and I questioned my sanity, how could I just know something that no one else seemed to notice? Discovering the Mayan calendar and studying time and perception was a huge validation for the odd things I have experienced in the last few years.

I see a lot of conspiracy theories out there and I've wondered the most about chemtrails, the patterns, stripes and various designs we are seeing in the skies above us. Part of the Mayan prophesy is that serpent ropes will drop from the heavens towards the end of the calendar to help us ascend to the next dimension. Could serpent ropes and chemtrails be one in the same? We see the chemtrails in various forms, some see planes distributing them, some can't see the plane, others see orbs. It's funny how we didn't notice them until someone pointed them out to us or we heard a rumor or saw something on the internet and then we all suddenly saw them. How long have they really been there? Or is it indeed a recent production? And what if we are only seeing what our perception allows us to see? Do we see planes because that is what we expect to see up there? Do we see them now because they have recently begun or have they always been there and we are just waking up? Are they poisoning us or are they thinning the veil?

I believe that this is the most important time we will ever experience, the earth, humanity and time is changing, our thoughts are manifesting into things faster than any other time in our history. We need to remember that fear is the illusion, but it is an illusion that can cause great harm. Remember that fear is just a step on the stairway to higher knowing, if you linger on that stair, you are missing the great view from the top. Remember to think positively, mind your thoughts, because you are bringing to yourself what you are thinking about, forget the past, it no longer exists. See your reflection in those around you and grow from it, learn from it. And above all else, send love, send love to your future, because we are creating it this very moment.

Love and Joy

Thursday, December 14, 2006

The Gospel of Thomas

At lot of controversy has stemmed from the gnostic gospels, many feeling that this is the Jesus that they knew existed and were unable to find in the Bible and many feeling that it is sacrilege to even mention the word gnosis (knowledge). It seems to me the more artistic the person, the more the gospels seem to apply and the more fundamental, frightened or materially bound the person, the greater the sin for seeking.

I suppose that the idea of salvation coming from outside of you could be a soothing idea, knowing that being dunked in water and saying a few words can clear all obstacles from your path to heaven and knowing that once you are saved, you are always saved, is a wonderful theory, but is it truth? After I discovered the gnostic gospels a few years ago, I mentioned to a friend (a lifelong Catholic) that I figured I was a gnostic christian, there was silence on the phone line for a few seconds and then she whispered, as though God was listening, that I didn't know what I was saying. There was fear in her voice as though I had just admitted to murdering someone and maybe in her opinion not agreeing with the orthodoxial view is comparable to murder.

I guess the problem I have had with religion is the way it is man-aged, we must all conform to one ideal, one solution, one way. We must not stray from the path of what the leaders have laid before us, we are to assume that they know Jesus better, but the Gospel of Thomas tells us that Jesus said, "The pharisees and the scribes have taken the keys of knowledge(gnosis) and hidden them. They themselves have not entered, nor have they allowed to enter those who wish to. You, however, be as wise as serpents and as innocent as doves." #39

Our religious leaders want us to believe that they have the answers and that the path of salvation is through them and only they can save us. But in the gospel, Jesus said, "If those that lead you say to you, 'See, the kingdom is in the sky,' then the birds of the sky will precede you. If they say to you, 'It is in the sea,' then the fish will precede you. Rather, the kingdom is inside of you, and it is outside of you. When you come to know yourselves, then you will become known, and you will realize that it is you who are the sons of the living father. But if you will not know youselves, you dwell in poverty and it is you who are that poverty." #3 So how can our leaders help us know ourselves? Isn't "finding ourselves" the cause of much suffering in the religious community? Isn't that considered selfish? We are to know that we are born sinners and then look to those above us to point us in the right direction. Perhaps if our leaders knew themselves better, then Ted Haggart wouldn't have been telling his congregation one thing and his prostitute lover and meth provider another.

So why were the ways of salvation hidden from us, I guess the question one mught ask is, "Who benefits from our ignorance?" and the answer becomes perfectly clear. The churches on every corner and their leaders benefit. So seekers continue seeking, don't be strayed from the path by fear or condemnation. Jesus said, "I shall choose you, one out of a thousand, and two out of ten thousand, and they shall stand as a single one." #23 and he also said, "Blessed are the solitary and elect, for you will find the kingdom. For you are from it, and to it you will return." #49

Happy Seeking

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Prediction or Creation

It has become apparent to me that millions feel the change on the earth, it's has also become apparent to me that there are thousands of theories about what is occurring. Is it global warming? Is Jesus on his way? Are the ET's about to make themselves known? Are we ascending into the next dimension? Are millions about to disappear in the blink of an eye? Or are millions about to be killed by the wars raging across the planet? Are corrupt governments falling? Or is the New World Order about to take over and enslave us in a new holocaust?

With all these ideas flying through cyberspace, people are grasping for truth, people are fearful and are preparing themselves for a battle of epic proportions. And I want to remind everyone that thoughts are things, what you focus on, what you believe, what you fear and what you talk about you are bringing into creation. I know the lament, we must be informed! You can't just put your head in the sand and ignore the world and I want to ask, why not? Why not?

The Internet is an amazing tool, add the high speed connection and it is the modern day creation of the Tower of Babel, many of us using it as a means to find our God. It connects all races, all nations and all languages in a forum to share ideas, I called it the God machine long before it dawned on me that maybe it was a way to find that which we all seek. It is a Universal connection to the divine sitting in our own homes and what we seek through those wires, we will surely find. It is the teacher and the creator of worlds, just spend some time looking through sites and you will find worlds that are lovely and ugly, you will find truth and lies, light and darkness, love and hate and that which you cling to, you will surely bring into your own creations.

Sometimes when I look at the world through the eyes of the Internet or the Television I get the sense that I am looking at a dead machine, engines still spinning, just waiting to run out of gas or finally blow a gasket, it seems that there is no intelligence behind the images anymore, just the recycling of old ideas and stories. History has been shown to repeat itself, whether or not we are aware of the previous events, so are we standing at the foot of the Tower, awaiting God's wrath for seeking him? Was it God that tore down the tower or man, fearing we were getting too close to the truth? Knowing that once we found God, we wouldn't need leaders and Kings. Knowing that once we saw God, we would realize that this world we call reality truly is a corpse and we are above it, it has no more power over us.
The rapture believers see that a third of the earth's population will ascend into heaven, in the blink of an eye or in a flash of white light, leaving the rest to suffer the wrath of God. The ascension believers see that earth's population is ascending to a new level of consciousness, becoming more of a light/love-being, more God-like and that each person that awakens helps the rest of the world awaken. Both groups believe that a new heaven and earth will be created. I think they are both right, I think both groups will create what they envision.
We have to remember that thoughts are things, the more beautiful the thought, the more beautiful the creation. We must learn to love our neighbors, we must learn to take responsibilty for our own existance, we must remember it is our creation. If we are victims, then we have chosen to be and we can just as easily choose to be victors. And if we choose to see genocide perpetrated by a loving God, then we could be creating the demise of those we love. If we choose to see heaven on earth, beauty, love, health and abundance for all, then we can create that, as well.
I do believe that big changes are happening in the earth, galactic, mythical or biblical, you decide. And remembering that it is a choice, I ask you to see love and joy, not dispair and fear. I ask you to see abundance, not lack. I ask you to see people awaking to beauty, not burning in hell for their sins. What you see, you attract, what you feel for others, you bring home to yourself. See goodness, see blessings, see love.
Bringing about a new heaven on earth....

Tuesday, December 12, 2006


The band Chicago had a song entitled, "Does Anyone Know What Time It Is" and I used to think, What a stupid song, but now I understand a little more of what they may have been saying. It is said that the Mayan calendar runs out in the year 2012 and I wonder why we believe that will actually happen in our date 2012. I resonate with the Mayan belief systems and the thread of creativity that runs through the world and us, all I doubt is that our date keeping and theirs is in alignment.

Maybe my obsession of late with time is a little out there, but I feel that our time wrong. Okay folks, I began pondering time when a voice in a dream told me to pay attention to it, so I did some studying. In 46 BC while a adopting the Julian calendar we had a year that was 455 days long and when the British Empire adopted the Gregorian calendar the date changed from September 2, 1752 to September 14, 1752 overnight. Now we've been adding or taking away days ever since we began keeping calendars, so why do believe todays date is 12-12-2006?

I know the reality of the situation is that everyone must keep the same date to maintain the same perception of time, we must make our meetings and pay our bills, but does that mean our time is correct? I suppose that if everyone has the same perception and thoughts create things, then the thought of millions that todays date is 12-12-2006 is factual and true, but it still feels off to me.

When I see so much information and speculation out there about the 2012 Ascension and I see people planning for this change in dimension, I wonder if all the plans are based on an errant date. Of course, when we talk about these things we are talking about spiritual realms, spiritual events and do days and dates exist as we know them on that level of being? And there is God, I imagine s/he could smooth the folds between time into one cohesive and inclusive pattern. So maybe in All Time, days and years have no meaning and it is a mute point.

But what if in natures time it isn't 2006, but 2011? Or 2010? Would the events unfold as the Mayans predicted in our year 2012 or in theirs? Does our thought power of creation exceed the earths power of natural, regular and expected evolution? Is the date what it is because we have created it that way? It has been said that no man knows the date or time, but it has also been said that what you are waiting on has already occured and you just don't recognize it.

Time is important, difficult to man-age and not absolute, so do you know what time it is? I'll leave you with what the voice in the dream said to me, "Pay attention, something is wrong with time."

Love and Joy

Thursday, December 07, 2006

It's About Time

It is said that time is a continuum from the past through the present and into the future, it is also motion of mass. Some say time is linear, a straight line from beginning to end, others say it is circular, the beginning being the end and still others believe there is no beginning or end, just a loop.

It is said that the calendar is the center of a civilization and the one we use is the Gregorian Calendar, it was named for Pope Gregory XIII and put into practice February 24, 1582, although it took a couple hundred years for all nations to embrace the change. Periodically calendars have to be adjusted because even through time is said to a continuum that is unchanging, is it also not absolute. Even though we have a process for keeping up with the days, it slides out of sync with the seasons and needs to be updated.

So what is time? Is it an unchanging continuum, irreversible, a straight line through the Universe? Or is it an evolving circle? The Mayan culture believed that there were cycles within time, history repeating itself. The Mayan calendar was not so much about time as it was the flow of creation and the ability to recognize repeating patterns. The Gregorian calendar is a commerse calendar concerned with taxes, tithes and money.

Before we knew the earth was round, we knew of the wheel of life. Before we knew time was linear, we knew it was circular and being circular, it was full of repeating patterns. Before we knew we had only one life on this earth, we knew of reincarnation and we had as many lives as we needed to see the patterns, many attempts at evolution.

Evolution is the theory that organisms change morphologically (form or structure, including language) and physiologically with time, also refered to as natural selection. Isn't that what has happened through history? We have changed calendars, language, ideals of beauty, currency and religion, isn't that evolution? We believe that as human beings we are the apex, we have risen to the heights of technology, education, medicine and science, we have evolved with time to be the giants of the earth.

It has been said that the only constant is change and if time is not solid, if time is changable, all things are changable, especially and including us humans. Changing calendars and attempting to control time has not stopped the evolution of the planet, the spiritually elect are being awakened. Do you know what time it is?

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Waking Up

Folks are waking up, there is beautiful energy lighting the earth! I've pondered so much the unconsciousness of the planet and have seen it inside myself and wondered why it seemed so hard to stay awake. The gnostic Valentinus (100-153 AD) spoke of a forgetfulness that descends on mankind. In the Gospel of Thomas, Jesus was said to say that mankind was intoxicated. The gnostic Sylvia Brown says that earth is the insane asylum of the Universe.

We have understood we are born sinners and that we have to work very hard to be accepted into the pearly gates of heaven. But we are God's creation, He would not have created us wrong, lacking. We were seeds of perfection on the earth, beautiful blossoms, shining with God's light and then we learned we were sinners. What if we come into life perfect, without sin and having all the information we need tucked inside us? Then the forgetfulness, the intoxication come as we learn the ways of this world. Each generation teaches the next generation and one can only teach what one knows. I believe it was Jesus who said, the blind will lead the blind into a pit.

In the Bible it mentions that we need to seek, but that seems to be only as far as your nearest church and then consider yourself done, you have found. The Gospel of Thomas quotes Jesus as saying "Let him who seeks continue seeking until he finds. When he finds he will become troubled. When he becomes troubled, he will be astonished, and he will rule over the All."

We have understood that we are to accept on the basis of faith and trust in the dogma that is handed down to us. Dogma is an unquestioned belief, how can we seek without questioning? How can we shed this cloak of forgetfulness, the fog of intoxication without shining the light on things that may make us and others uncomfortable? We can only see that which is illuminated, we can not see in the dark and ignorance of the Truth is a very dark and sleep filled place.

Yes, we are seeing things that are disturbing to us, we are looking into to ideas that years ago would have seemed so foreign, or even sinful, to us and we have felt the guilt for not doing as we have been told. We have felt the change on the earth and have grown restless with the limiting boundaries we perceive around us and we are finding that most of the fences we see are indeed an illusion. Tell yourself you remember God, say it out loud and then trust that you will remember. Once we shed the weight of forgetfulness, we will know and be known.

It is a glorious time to be alive, seeking has never been easier and never before have so many been seeking. The earth is filling with light and beauty, know it, feel it, trust it, it is an incredible time to be living.


Monday, December 04, 2006

On Your Journey

Life is beautiful. Don't forget, as you delve into the mysteries of your existance, that life is beautiful. The darkness and fear you think you see is an illusion, it's wordplay. Instead of labeling that feeling anxiety, call it joy and excitment about being alive, breathe into it, don't fight it, it's a glorious time to be alive, of course you are excited.

Remember to take the time to be still and breathe, time is funny, you have as much as you think you have. Remind yourself you have all the time in the world. Enjoy the art you are creating, your art is truth, your truth. The art you are creating is the reality you will know.

When you look out the window or step out of the door, see the signs the Universe is sending you, take the time to observe. The mocking bird on the butterfly bush was a sign to you, trust that message, know that all is well, beautiful and progressing just as it should.

When you step out into the world, see the people you meet along your way as a reflection of yourself, the guy moving slow in the fast lane, could be you on another day, be nice, be patient, you have all the time you need to get where you are going.

When you check your mail box, remember the excitment you had as a child, remember when you knew that special things appeared in that box and know it still happens. Good things come in the mail.

Trust your instincts, your intuition, tell yourself you know all you need to know, you have the answers to every question you will ever think to ask and then trust that the answers will come to you. Trust the search. Seek.

Smile and laugh, because positive emotions put your goals on the fast track. Forget ideas of balancing your emotions and your mind, the negative and the positive are opposing energies that lead to chaos and confusion. Fill yourself with light, the positive and all other things will fall into place.

Lose yourself in creation, even if it's just a doodle on a napkin, see yourself creating it and recognize that it never existed until you took the time and connected with the inspiration.

We are Everywhere!

Thursday, November 30, 2006

The Devil's In The Details
It's a phrase I've heard since I was a child and always figured it meant life was hard, if you aren't detail oriented, don't bother. We hear that we should be detail oriented and able to multi-task if we want to work in the public sector, it is a valuable asset that employers want and I wondered, why?

Many of the great thinkers have said we need times of solitude, a time away without deadlines, details or stress and we need it often. Some of these thinkers believe that to worry is to strangle the spirit, the connectedness with God, the All. Some even know that if you slow down and see in your mind exactly what you want, and give the details to the powers that are all around you, you will own paradise.

It's a radical idea, I suppose, but what if we just kicked the fear out of our brain? The fear of what others would think, the frustration of lack, the judgements of what punishment may be doled out for our actions, what if we banished those thoughts and then pondered, what do I want my world to be? Would I be happy? Would I do good things for people? Would I laugh more? Would I write, sing and paint? Would I dance, study and heal? We all use to want to be great until a lot of us learned that we couldn't. We can. What do you want?

If you want a perfect body, see yourself with a perfect body, not what is best for the body you have, the scars you have, see the perfect body. Don't limit yourself by what you think you see in mirror, know that if you want the perfect body, you will have it, it will arrive. Dream big. See the best your mind can conceive, not what you are told you can have, see what is said to be the unimaginable. It has been said that slaves only ask for freedom, they do not ask for the kingdom. Ask for the kingdom.

If you want to stand before huge crowds sharing your special gift, see it, know it and it will be yours. Don't worry how the people will arrive or consider how the people will learn your name, they will. The Universe sees the image in your mind, sees the beauty in that world you are creating and goodness is rushing to you to seal that imagery into reality. Trust that the Universe doesn't need to be managed and is perfectly capable of handling the details.

3 Feet UP, the band that is causing a storm of enthusiasm in the music world.
Inspired by new and yet to be released song "Slice and Dice"

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Creation and the Holy Grail

I think we are all searching for the Holy Grail in some way or another, what that represents for each person is different, but I believe all of us have similar needs and drives. For a lot of us spiritual folks, I think we feel as though we are on a quest, unsure of the destination, but thrilled by the urgings to study one more theory. We understand more than most beings how serious this journey is, how important and we see ourselves as warriors on the front line.

I can point to many different points in my life and call them spiritual waking times, as though I have spent a great deal of my life in a coma, waking briefly to inhale great deals of knowledge, information and thought, before drifting back into a twilight sleep to digest. And I'd ask myself why. Why can't I stay awake? I've heard people say that we are like water, we ebb and flow. Movement and repose. But what about the consciousness, the awareness of our connection, the knowledge that we really are the same?

I've spent a lot of time looking outside of myself thinking I could define myself, find myself through the thoughts and theories of other people, but I couldn't see the duality that is the Universe. The duality of all things being me and not me, all things being true and not true, the reality we see and the one we don't. And the power of creation that lies inside each one of us.

It is said that we will be known for our works. Is that the work you give to receive a paycheck or the work you give to the church or the kindness you give to other people? Is the million dollar houses that shine on top of hills in the richest neighborhoods? Is it that stack of half finished paintings gathering dust in a corner? The book, unfinished, laying on a shelf in the back of the closet? Is it winning all the Grammys you can carry? Is it having Oprah truly interested in what you have to say? Is it curing Aids in Africa? Is it feeding kids and paying college tuition? Yes and more.

Our work is the world we create around us, remember we have the power of creation, our thoughts are things and our duty is to create the most beautiful world we can imagine. If you hate politics, don't participate, it's not your world. If you hate the state of affairs you see on the news, turn off the news, that's not your world. See for yourself exactly how your world should be, see it, imagine it, feel it, it's not greedy to want everything you've ever wanted, it's the Universe, there is enough for everyone.

The Holy Grail we are all searching for is right inside us, it's the easiest thing in the world to just receive the goodness. The mystical answer we have been seeking is imagination and thought, we have created the mystery, because we are wonderful creators. Create your world, just as you may create a meal or a wonderful evening, create your reality, see yourself having everything, the All, see it everyday and you will hold the Grail in your hands.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

What We Are Told

We are told is it hard, therefore it is hard. What if you had never heard that it was hard, no matter how incredible your dreams may seem, what if you never heard the word hard? What if you were told achieving your dreams was as possible as seeing them? Would you have believed? It's been said, "The simplest lessons are the hardest to learn." And I believed. It made sense with all the others pieces I had discovered, it fit right into the puzzle, as if was made to be, life is hard. But what if the most important lessons are simple and easy to find, by stating an intention?

What if achieving everything you ever wanted or imagined was yours upon seeing it, truly seeing it in your mind and feeling it in your heart, soul and intuition? Would you believe that? No? Because it's hard, right, you've got to toil, struggle, earn, fight, claw, suffer and pay your dues, then, if, and only if, God smiles down on you and it is in the infinite plan, you may have what you want, but don't ask for too much, don't be greedy. That is the illusion. Truth is all you have to do is see it, intend it, want it without guilt and it will be yours. See your life as you want it and it will be as you want it. Look around, you've already designed your life, you've created what you saw for yourself. If you see that you'll never have enough, then the world will reflect that right back to you, if you see yourself as beautiful and happy, the world will also reflect that right back to you. If you feel fear, you will see things to fear. It really is that simple.

Words have incredible power and I'm not talking about other people's words, I'm talking about the words we feed ourselves daily. Words like can't, lack, never, sick, hurt, bad, inferior, and all words that create fear inside. Words create thoughts and thoughts create reality. If you are telling yourself things are bad, then all you will see is bad. You see what you focus on. The power is not outside of us, as we've always been told, the power is completely in our own hands, our own mind, our own heart. The power to create or destroy is inside each one of us.

I have heard many wise folks say that this is the greatest time in the history of mankind to be alive and I have pondered that statement and wondered, are these people crazy, look around, everything is so screwed up. What I didn't realize, I was creating that screwed-up scenario with my words and my thoughts, with what I seeing. Why couldn't I believe that this is a glorious time to be alive? It's not that I haven't seen glorious and beautiful things, I do, all around me. But I knew the world was going to hell in a handbasket, it's hard to watch the news and not know that, right?

Then I thought, if thoughts create reality and this is my reality, what am I creating? Fear, lack, can't, dark, doubt and that straightened my backbone, I am not those things! I am good, happy, vibrant, loving, talented, fun, shiny and blessed! And then it dawned on me, it is a choice. I was choosing to see the bad, instead of the beauty and offering a world of excuses, all reasonable, rational excuses, "I need to be informed. It's important to know whats going on in the world." Sounds mature, right? But I was giving energy to something that was not my world, instead of giving energy to what is my world. I was fighting the negative, instead of relaxing into the positive.

So the truth is, it is easy. You can have everything you ever wanted, fame, money, health, contentedness, peace, anything and everything you ever wanted simply by seeing it and knowing it in your heart, it's not just possible, it already exists, just recieve it. And if you don't believe, because you know it's hard, just start with that one word and change it to easy. Every time you hear that word in your head or see it's creation in your thoughts, just change that one word to easy, try it for a week and you may be very surprised to see the change.

Monday, October 16, 2006

On Losing a Child

It will be four years, next month, that my son Steven passed over. In some ways it feels like yesterday, in others, a lifetime ago. I was blessed with a near death experience shortly after Steven passed, I say blessed, despite the trauma and horror of my physical experience, because my eyes were opened. Losing a child is impossibly hard, losing an only child is even more so. After Steven passed, I could not function, the simplest tasks proved beyond me. After my extreme medical experience, I functioned differently, I was radically changed.

As a human being, my biggest downfall and greatest gift, is that I always expect things to make sense. I expect there to be logic in myself and the world around me. I always knew Steven would die young, maybe because I experienced the loss of my sister when I was a child, maybe because my dreams told me, however the knowledge came to me, I just knew. I figure I was given nine extra years with Steven as he was diagnosed with hydrocephalus at 9 years old and nearly died, he almost died again at 12 when he developed a fungal infection of his central nervous system and again at 15 when he had a hemorrhage in the ventricles of his brain. At 18 he had a DUI wreck that almost killed him and the person he hit and I realized, without doubt, that it was the beginning of the end. Six months later, when the phone rang on Sunday morning, I knew he was dead.

Logic aside, I was sure I could accept the reality of no longer being Mom, I had been prepared again and again, sitting by hospital beds, praying the neurologists could save him one more time, the fact that he died on the side of the road, on a beautiful fall evening, was almost soothing. People worried about his being in pain, I worried that he may have been scared. The pain he could have handled, his being alone with his fear was something I couldn't have handled. I talked to the coroner, read the autopsy report and felt sure that he was not aware of what hit him.

But knowing and doing are two different things, I knew I was strong enough to live my life without my son, but living my life without him was nearly impossible. The guilt of being alive, the guilt of all the wrongs I committed, the guilt of not being the very best to him that I could have been, the guilt of laughing, breathing, having, the guilt, the guilt, the guilt was almost my undoing. Some say I went a little crazy, but parents aren't supposed to bury their children and perhaps being a little crazy is the only way to survive.

What I have learned is that most parents don't listen to their kids enough, most parents want their children to become carbon copies of themselves, most parents don't see their children as separate and whole individuals, most parents don't hear the wisdom in their children's words. I am guilty of the same failures, but hindsight is full of clarity and I am learning daily from Steven. I hear his words with a new ears, I understand his struggles with new perceptions and I know without a doubt, if I could do it all over again, I would be better.

But in this lifetime, I am stuck, I can't do it again, he is dead and I am alive (or perhaps he is alive and I am dead) and I have a responsibility to learn, grow, become and meet him on the other side. I have to do what is right, what is just, I have to be fair and consider other people, I have no other choice, but to change and be a better human being than I was before. I also have to question the norms of society and of religion, because I no longer fit in this world the way I did before he passed.

Funny, when Steven was alive, he never fit in, he was a misfit, a freak (his words, not mine) and I tried to guide him into the norms of what this world expected from him, for his own good, I thought. Now that he is gone, I have become the misfit, the freak, fitting into no category, unable to function the way the world says I should, the ultimate expression of karma. I pressured him over silly things, his hair, his piercings, his clothes and now that pressure has come home to me. I should be more socially productive, I should have a job and assume the responsibilities I had before, but something in me revolts and when I don't listen, my body revolts. I now struggle with the roles, feeling inferior and less than, I have taken up his cross, unknowingly and unwillingly.

Despite it all, I feel blessed. Blessed to have been a parent for 18 years, blessed to have all my perceptions radically changed, blessed to see and understand the cycle of life, blessed to know that what we put into the world truly comes back to us, blessed to have felt the pain and survived. I will find my place in this world, I will find the sense in it all and I will see Steven again. I am a better person for having known him and I am a better person having lost him.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Eternal Recurrence

I had a near death experience a few years ago, just months after my only child died in a freak accident, a surgeon made a mistake while performing, I discovered later, unneeded colon surgery. I was left with a gaping 7 inch open wound on my abdomin and was confined to rest for months while the injury slowly grew closed. A nurse came to my home daily to clean the wound and change the bandages and almost daily it struck me that I had done this before. An odd thought, because had I actually experienced it before, wouldn't I have scars? The wound closed and then broke back open as more infection and lost stitches escaped from my flesh and again I knew this experience was familiar to me.

I recovered, returned to work and sitting in my cube, it occurred to me often that I had done this before, I kept being reminded of the movie Groundhog Day. I tried to explain the feeling to a couple people, but upon seeing their disbelieving expressions, I decided this was probably something I should keep to myself. But keeping silent did not make the growing knowledge go away, it grew and I began to use it as a compass to determine my next step. I figured if I had done all this before, the way to stop the cycle was to do things differently, to listen to my instincts versus the opinions of those around me.

I then discovered that the philospher Nietzsche had written on the subject of eternal recurrence in the late 1800's, and the Italian philospher Vico had written about it years before him. Some philospher's speculate that his theory of eternal recurrence was what made Nietzsche lose his mind. Not a hopeful sign for me, as I had been told how crazy I was since I was a child, funny thing, I no longer felt my sanity was in jeopardy, I felt like a blindfold had been removed from my eyes and I was seeing truth for the first time in my life. In the theory of eternal recurrence we are living the same life over and over, perhaps the body is different, but the mind, thoughts, experiences and emotions are the same.

Suppose that when Jesus and others spoke of eternal life, they meant it literally? Suppose the only pearly gates and streets paved in gold belong to people who know this secret? What if we have been here forever? Many religions believe in reincarnation, but in Christianity we are told we have one life and we must behave, we are educated and ideas of reincarnation are for heathens and pagens. But what if the idea of one life, means living forever and when one body wears out we are issued another? What if?

I discovered after my son died that the hardest part of life was living, it's easy to plan for our death, to know after we die we are finally able to rest and have real quality of life, but does that make sense? We have to die to live? And what if you were going to live forever, would you change things? Would you continue to go to that office everyday, sit in the windowless cube everyday, have those above you telling you what and how to do it, everyday? If you knew you were going to live forever, wouldn't you do what and only what you wanted to do? Wouldn't you want to be free?

This is America, but we are not free, those with lots of cash are free, but most of us live week to week, barely hanging on to what we have. Most of us live with the weight of stress, fear and worry heavily on our backs, we know there is not enough for everyone and we must work incredibly hard to get ours, but is that truth?

What if being Saved means seeing the Wheel of Life and becoming free? What if being Saved means realizing that we already have eternal life, it's not something we have to earn by being good and humble? What if being Saved means understanding the big machine, seeing behind the curtain and not just believing what our leaders want us to see? What if being Saved means realizing you are here forever and it's time to find inner peace, not an imaginary reward that will come after you die? What is being Saved means suffering really is optional?

Sunday, October 01, 2006

A Few Questions

Why do we assume that the Bible is the inspired word of God? If I remember correctly Jesus was suposed to be the Only perfect person to walk the earth, yet he did not write the Bible. So we assume, because we are told, that average men were inspired to write the Bible, with none of their prejudices showing through, with no political leanings pressuring them. Why do we assume that during the time of Christ there was not political turmoil, we know there was, Jesus was crucified, but we assume that the political turmoil of the time did not affect the words handed down to us. Do we not see how the turmoil in Washington and religious turmoil across the globe colors everything we see, yet we take it as fact that it did not happen two thousand years ago. How does that make sense?

We're all heard the phase, "The winners write history." Jesus didn't win, but we assume that this book we worship is an accurate representation of history and the rules of life. Why do we assume that? Jesus' ideas were not popular, remember? Jesus walked his own way and did not follow the rules, but we are told if we want to reach Jesus, we must follow all the rules. Jesus didn't go to church, but we are told if we want to find salvation, we must. Jesus said the path to the Kingdom is inside each one of us, but we are told the path is to follow everyone else. Jesus wasn't telling us to be good and turn the other cheek, he was telling us to follow our own path, listen to the quiet voice inside each one of us, stand up, claim our power and be done with the slave mentality that was present then and is present now. If he was all about love and turning the other cheek, there would have been no need to kill him, love, peace and turning the other cheek keeps us in line, keeps us in place. The leaders of the time wanted the masses to be calm and trusting, why kill the person that was telling us to love and to follow? I am suggesting that he wanted something different than that, I am suggesting that he was trying to release us from capitivity.

Isn't it funny that if we hear the voice of God, we are crazy, but if a person goes to a school and other people give him a paper that says he is Holy, then and only then can he hear the voice of God. How do men dictate to us who does and who does not have a connection to God? How does that work? If God tells us to quit our job, move to Montana and start a worm farm, we must have lost our minds, but if God tells a preacher that his flock should go fight a religious war, we accept that as gospel, that's not crazy. Why do we assume that everyone else has a better connection to God and Knowledge than we have?

If Jesus was a poor, wandering carpenter, then why do the people that represent him and his beliefs wear ceremonial garments, expensive suits and drive nice cars? Why don't they wear overalls and drive old pickup trucks with big tool boxes on the back? Where is the line between church and state in our country, I don't see it, even though our leaders tells us it exists. What I see when I look at church and government is the same thing. People with lots of money, wearing ridiculous or pricey clothes, living in outlandishly large homes telling the rest of us what we should and should not do. We should not question the Bible and we should not question the government, but Jesus said we must be like little children to enter the Kingdom and anyone who has ever spent time with small children knows, all they do is ask questions.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

To Vent or Not To Vent

Have you ever had a call from a friend who needed to vent? And as the dutiful friend you listen compassionately as they complain about their husband, mother, boss, child, co-worker or whoever has offended them. And as you hang up the phone, you suddenly notice that your own attitude has changed, if you were down when you picked up the phone, now you are exhausted and if you were up and happy, you suddenly feel a weight on you. How does that work? Aren't our friends suppose to be able to share their worries and fears with us, isn't that what friendship is about?

What is venting exactly? Well the dryer has a vent and it goes to the outside of the house, not the inside where our family and friends gather. And what if our dryer vented inside the house, it becomes a damp, tropical enviroment where mold and fungus grows readily. Our cars vent to the outside as well, if not, the fumes are so toxic we die. And I believe the same is to be said for venting among friends and family, venting creates negative energy, toxic and health threatening energy. Somehow, with so many words being uttered everyday, we have begun to think that our thoughts and our words are harmless, remember the rhyme from childhood, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Well it is not true. Words do hurt, they injure and create circumstances that may not have existed until the words were spoken.

As an evolved society it is time we relearn that thoughts are things and words create reality. I believe that gossip is Black Magic, it has an energy that is real and palpable. If you don't believe that, check out your own energy as you talk about another, stop and feel your body, feel you heart accelerate, feel the rush that occurs when you hear negative speculation, notice the excitment in which you share the dark tidbit with others. That energy is real, dark and it affects you and the person that you are tearing apart.

Yes, not talking about people may mean you don't talk a lot, but are all those words neccessary? And what are you avoiding by filling the air with words? We were given a myriad of ways to express ourself, our pains, our worries, our fears without cluttering up the world with negative words, we can paint, write, sing, dance, build, play, exercise, pray, sew, create, meditate, daydream, explore, volunteer, give, learn, etc.

So the next time you are about to share who slept with who or who called who a bitch or what she had the nerve to wear to work, stop and think about what you are creating, because in the end, what we put into the world, comes right back to us.

Monday, July 31, 2006

Fear Based Religions
I think it's time for the world of fear based religions to end. A couple weeks ago a Baptist minister knocked on my door for the second time, the first time he knocked I was polite, explaining to him that I was not interested in what he was selling, I even shook his hand and told him to have a good day. This time he came with his teenage son in tow, training for the boy, I suppose and then he proceeded to question my husband and I about our souls. Were we sure that our destinies were secure, were we positive we were going to heaven? Before he could lead into his sermon, I felt a righteous anger grow in me, shake in me. How dare this idiot come to my door, knowing nothing of me and my struggles, only knowing that I do not attend his church and do not give him 10% of my income and begin to question me about the most personal realm of who I am. I told the minister that God loved him and I did too, but to get the hell off my property and not to come back again.

I know God is there. It's not a matter of faith with me, it's knowledge and common sense. These religions that seem to want to hold your soul for ransom, to control you through fear are the epitomy of evil and darkness. It is ridiculous to think that billions of people must follow a single path for their personal salvation, to take the words of another as truth pulls from God, not towards Him. Each one of us has God inside us, each one of us has the Power of God inside of us, the power to create or destroy. And many of us give that power away. We give it to ministers, televangelists, world leaders, our spouses, our parents, our children, our friends. We decide we are not good enough, that the God inside us is not as good as the God inside others, that somehow God plays favorites and puts more of Himself in some and less in others. Your piece of God is bigger than mine!

The path to God is inside of us. No one knows more about God than you do.